


Silent Screams

by CuckooTrooke



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Sauli Koskinen RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Boys Kissing, Cute, Drug Use, Escort Service, Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, Love, Loving Sex, M/M, Oral Sex, Past Rape/Non-con, Prostitution, Sex Work, Sexual Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-24
Updated: 2015-06-24
Packaged: 2018-04-05 23:12:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 28,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4198644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CuckooTrooke/pseuds/CuckooTrooke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam is a desired prostitute in West Hollywood, looking like he enjoys his work and being the center of attention. But the reality is different.<br/>Sauli meets this fascinating escort by accident and slowly falls in love <i>without</i> buying any service from him, he genuinely falls for the person himself. </p>
<p>The road is rough and he's sure he has never met a person so locked up and broken. He only wishes he showed up in time..</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silent Screams

**Author's Note:**

> Okaay. Here's another new one shot for you guys. This is not the 'Prostitute-fell-in-love-with-a-client' and this is not the 'He's-a-very-high-class prostitute' fic. No, this is a bit different. This shows the darker side of prostitution and how badly things can really be in that industry. 
> 
> !ATTENTION!:   
> *No actual rapes, only one attempt  
> *This is also very sweet and cute at some parts, it's not all dark  
> *Thank you for my amazing, beautiful beta xGlamDreamerx ♥

Sauli sat in the corner of the club, stirring his drink around with his pinkie. He tried to be as un-noticed as possible. He had no idea how he ended up here. Especially since the club was filled with... Well, with escorts.

And rich business men, horny for ass. How trashy. Sauli definitely liked West Hollywood. Moving here has been the best decision he has ever made but he certainly needed to find another, preferably less tacky, club to spend his nights at.

He was interrupted from the fascinating scene of gin tonic swirling around in his glass when he noticed an escort, quite a pretty one, if he was being honest, approach him. Even in the dim light of the club, Sauli could tell he was pale, the dark make-up he making him look like a cougar.

His hair was spiked up, a rich midnight black, brown at the tips. It looked so thick and full of product. Your fingers would probably get stuck or lost if you ran them through the locks.

The tight leather pants he wore were painted on his lean legs like a second skin, his black tank top revealing a stunning sleeve of tattoos and well-proportioned muscles. His wrists were adorned with silver bracelets and a single chain hung from his neck. Like he said. _Pretty_.

"Well, hello, gorgeous. I'm Adam." He said in a velvety, seductive purr and with no shame what-so-ever, stood with his legs on both sides of Sauli's knees.

Sauli gulped. Is he seriously the target of an escort right now? He should have left the club as soon as he realized where he was.

"Sauli," He said quietly.

Adam cocked his head to the side like he was waiting for some other words or Sauli to do something else than just sit there like an idiot.

"Well, Sully," he slurred around the name, tugging the hem of Sauli's shirt suggestively, "Interested in some private action?"

Sauli sipped his gin tonic to keep his nerves and shook his head as no.

"No, thank you," He smiled politely and tapped Adam's thigh, "You're blocking my view."

Adam looked over his shoulder but didn't see anything special. He almost thought Sauli was eyeing another escort. He moved anyway and plopped down next to Sauli on the couch.

"I am the view. And I chose you. Do you know how many guys there would pay thousands of dollars to get alone with me just for an hour?" Adam asked, his hand creeping up Sauli's thigh, "I promise I'd make you feel so good," he purred, his breath warm and damp against Sauli's ear.

Sauli gulped down more of his drink. He doesn't doubt that. But he's just not going to use any prostitute service today. Or tomorrow. Actually, never. That's just not his thing.

"Well, I'm not paying a dollar. So maybe you should find someone else to seduce." Sauli said and gently pushed Adam off of him.

Adam worried his bottom lip and looked around the room, shaking his head in small movements. Only bulky, hairy, big guys. Ugh. Just no. He's not in the mood to be treated like a ragdoll.

"You're pleasing my eye," Adam beamed, "Besides, you should be the one doing the begging. This is going the wrong way,"

Sauli sighed. How did someone so beamy and gorgeous like Adam even end up here? Adam was breath-takingly hot and Sauli wouldn't waste a second to jump him if the circumstances were different.

"Then it's not working. I'm not going to beg," Sauli nicely informed, "Why don't you try one of those?" He asked, pointing out the guys sitting on the other end of the room.

Adam glanced over them. The guys whistled and yelled all sort of inappropriate things when they noticed him looking.

Sauli saw gloom in Adam's eyes.

"Guess I have to. Or then I'll just be without a client," Adam sighed resignedly, smiling dimly when he got up, "It was nice seeing you here."

"You can keep me company," Sauli said hurriedly when he noticed a few pervs licking their lips the second they saw Adam was about to leave.

Adam laughed, kind of slumping back down on the couch.

"And chit chat? I recommend another bar for that." He said, snatching Sauli's glass and taking a long gulp of his drink, "You are not going to find a date here."

Sauli just stared at Adam as he stole his drink, mouth gaping open. It made Adam chuckle.

"What?"

"Nothing. You just stole my drink." Sauli said casually, and Adam blinked at him as if to say 'and?', "I paid for it."

Adam opened his mouth to say something but he was interrupted by a taker standing next to their booth.

"I have a $2560. What do I get with that?"

"Normally, a few hours. Right now, nothing!" Adam smiled at him and glanced at Sauli meaningfully, "I already have someone."

Sauli's eyes widened. He wanted to remind Adam that no, he absolutely didn't have anyone but he realized it might have been Adam's way to turn down an offer.

The taker literally hung his head and walked away.

"Damn. You really are that precious?" Sauli questioned, watching Adam finish his gin tonic in one, smooth swallow.

Adam wiggled his eyebrows, not able to talk due to drinking. Then he slammed the glass down, grimacing a little at the taste of alcohol burning his throat.

"You don't even know. Find a one guy who doesn't have their eyes on me and I'm buying you another drink," Adam winked, knowing that he gave Sauli an impossible task.

"Me?" Sauli beamed back, putting his elbows on the table surface and leaning closer to Adam.

Adam smirked, leaning closer as well. In normal situations, there would be a kiss. Instead...

"Doesn't count," Adam hissed, a mischievous smile on his face. He got up and slid out of the booth gracefully, "Prude," He said over his shoulder.

Sauli's mouth hung open again.

He watched as Adam was the target of grabby hands the second he got up. Poor guy didn't even have enough hands to push them all away.

Sauli felt bad for him. When Adam managed to untangle himself from the throngs of arms he disappeared into the back rooms for hours. That didn't stop Sauli from thinking about him during said hours.

He didn't know what to think when Adam wanted to try another go at him when he came out later. This time Sauli saw more impatience in his eyes.

"I can give you a blowjob then you can fuck my tight ass. I'll even bareback for you. Or I can fuck you if that's what you're more into." Adam murmured while he was straddling Sauli's lap. He was a tall individual so it was a little weird to see him in that position.

Sauli just ignored him.

Adam sighed, sitting on the table right in front of Sauli and spreading his thighs whore-style, for lack of better describtion. Not that it made any difference.

"Am I not pretty?"

Oh, that is not the case.

"You are gorgeous. I'm just not into..."

"Whores." Adam finished surly.

"I wasn't going to say that." Sauli amended, caressing the shaft of his wine glass. Man, when did he even get that? He should probably stop.

"But you thought of it. I get it. But then why are you here if you're not 'into this'?"

"By accident." Sauli admitted.

Adam pursed his lips, understanding. He was pissed and Sauli could see it. He fumbled down from the table, mumbling something about how everything was fucked now that he didn't get a client.

"What does that mean?" Sauli asked incredulously, his head perking up.

"Why do you even care?" Adam snapped, "Just leave."

Sauli watched Adam go, watched as he slapped a few hands away from his ass on the way. He couldn't imagine what it must feel like. To be treated like an object instead of an actual human being.

Sauli's fingers twitched when one of the guys grabbed Adam's jaw quite roughly and turned his head forcefully towards himself.

"You think you can just choose who will fuck you? If I want to have this ass I will have it." The guy said, grabbing a handful of Adam's bottom while squeezing his cheeks between his thumb and rest of his fingers.

Sauli was ready to tell him to back the fuck off. But then he remembered where he was and that he'd be powerless. It was Adam's job, after all, selling his ass for money. Some 'buyers' where just a bit too rough.

But Adam seemed to be kind of feisty. He jerked out of the touch and stood even a little bit taller than the guy who was groping him.

"Apparently, I can. So let go and find someone else to fuck."

Surprisingly, the guy did just that.

♥♥♥ 

Sauli left the club when it closed. He will never, ever come here again. It was too racy for his liking. He liked the lighter side of Hollywood a lot better.

Although Adam was fascinating.

A startled yelp made him jump. It came from the other side of the club.

"No! P-please! I tried my best!" Another yelp, sharper this time. It sounded more like a shriek of pain than a startled yelp.

Sauli gulped. There was something else going on than just the usual escort work. And it was making him feel a bit sick, but at the same time, he couldn't leave another person in trouble. It's his job that makes him care a lot.

He's a nurse. Sue him.

Sauli walked to the other side of the small building, making sure to stay hidden, and saw a scene he did not expect to see. He saw two men, one clearly being beaten up by the other.

"When you don't get a client, it means at least $750 loss for our business. Everybody comes here for your precious lil' ass. They might pay $5000 for one night. If not more!"

"I'm sorry..." Crying.

"Sorry won't cut it, Adam. You better be busy tomorrow night." Came the stormy answer and whoever said it, yanked on the hair of the other man who was lying on the ground, "Or your price will be less than $100. Try to make yourself a living with _that_."

He let go and went inside the club.

Adam. The guy said Adam. Sauli felt a rush of guilt take over his whole body.

Sauli rushed to the male, apparently Adam, who was lying on the ground, motionless. Sauli crouched down to see his face.

"Hey? You okay?"

The guy looked up and Sauli recognized those eyes right away. Even though the makeup was now streaking down his cheeks, he could tell it really was Adam.

"You again? Didn't I tell you to just leave?" Adam mumbled, clearly ashamed to be seen like this. He pushed himself up to a sitting position and held his side.

"I did. Right after the club was closed. But I heard someone yelling when I was leaving."

"Well aren't you an angel for coming out to look then." Adam mocked, rolling his eyes. He tried to stand on his feet, but flinched at the pain somewhere in his ribs and fell back on his knees.

"Let me help you." Sauli said, already helping Adam to get on his unsteady feet, even though Adam protested, "I'm so sorry."

"For what?" Adam asked, jerking out of Sauli's hold and took a shaky step towards the brick wall for support.

"For not accepting your offer."

Adam chuckled.

"I could have anyone I want."

"Maybe. But I'm small, not able to hurt you physically. In other words, I'm no threat for you. That's why you wanted me and no one else. You've been treated like trash and your body is abused, which is why you wanted someone who'd take it easy."

Adam rolled his eyes again and turned around, leaning his back against the wall. Sauli was sure he will pull out a cigarette but surprisingly, he didn't.

"What are you? Sherlock Holmes?"

"Not quite. Good at reading people though. You're not as tough as you act." Sauli said, earning the scariest glare ever, and he regretted his words right away.

"Oh cut out the bullshit." Adam groaned, "You pleased my eye. Besides, why do you even care?"

"I care about people."

Adam huffed, shaking his head and laughing in amusement. What is this guy? Some kind of priest? Obviously, he's too nice to be moving around these corners.

"Well you're in the wrong place sharing your sympathy. Now, go home before someone thinks you work here. And don't come back unless you're going to buy service." Adam said coldly and reached for the doorknob.

"Wait!" Sauli called out loudly, making Adam turn around on the doorstep, "At least let me check if you have broken ribs."

Adam rolled his eyes, laughing again.

"What are you now? A doctor?"

"Nurse, actually." Sauli said, blushing a bit because he always thought it was kind of feminine profession. But he has gotten quite comfortable with it. He likes his job.

"Lemme guess; Feel, test cough and deep inhalation." Adam suggested knowingly. He has been through this before way too many times.

Sauli nodded. It somehow hurt to think Adam knows how to examine his own body for possible physical injuries. Of course it's a good skill but you should always see a doctor as well.

Adam felt his side for possible swelling, coughed to test if it hurt and inhaled to see could he breathe properly. Everything seemed to be fine, just a bruising like usual.

"See? Nothing wrong. Goodbye." Adam said, waving before opening the door.

Sauli watched him go back inside. Adam seemed so fascinating. But the feeling of guilt was making his stomach churn continuously.

♥♥♥ 

The following day, Sauli was sitting in a café with his friend, Pia, drinking his coffee absent-mindedly.

She was talking and talking but Sauli's mind had wandered elsewhere. He knew he should be listening to whatever it was she was so wrapped up in, but he couldn't help it; the club he had visited happened to be across the venue. Pia snapped her fingers in front of his face. She looked like she has been trying to get his attention for a while, now.

"Sauli! Are you even listening to me?" Busted.

"Oh, sorry, sorry," Sauli said sheepishly, shaking his head to clear his thoughts.

Pia glanced through the window and saw what he was looking at. Her eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Tell me you're not thinking about spending your night in there."

"Why not?" Sauli asked, as if he didn't know. He wanted to hear what Pia knows about this place since she has lived here longer.

"Because it's a sanctuary for male escorts. You're not the type who'd buy that service." Pia frowned, getting that look in her eyes, “Please tell me you haven’t been there.”

Sauli pursed his lips like he was whistling and looked around the café, trying to play innocent and most likely failing. Pia groaned, running her palms down her face. She knew she should have tagged along when Sauli asked her out for a night of fun. But she trusted that Sauli would find a decent place on his own, not go wandering into a... A hive of escorts!

“It was an accident!” Sauli amended, “Besides, it’s not like they were giving blowjobs in the main area of the club!”

“Must have been a calm night then,” Pia concluded. Her face told Sauli that she wasn't kidding about it, “That place is damn trashy,”

Sauli cocked his eyebrow while scooping a spoonful of the chocolate cake he had ordered with his coffee, savoring the dark richness melting in his mouth.

“You’ve been there?”

"Briefly… One of my gay friends dragged me in there,” Pia said, rolling her eyes because she would _never_ go back there. Ever. Of course it was always hot to see two guys kissing, but there was hell of a lot more going on than just simply kissing. Even that was very obscene.

Sauli kind of nodded, looking out the window again. He saw a familiar figure step out of the club. But comparing to last night, he looked very... Normal. Sunglasses perched on top of fluffy black hair, skinny jeans, but nothing like the 'sex pants' of last night, black leather jacket. It was Adam.

Sauli's dreamy eyes didn't go unnoticed.

“Don’t. Tell me. You bought service. From. _Him_.” Pia said slowly, almost terrified of the possibility. Sauli’s head snapped towards Pia and he gave a curious look to his friend.

“What do you mean?” he asked, his eyes straying back to look at Adam.

Pia lowered her voice as she talked.

“I heard he lets men fuck him bareback. And I heard he’s the most demanded between the escorts. I heard he’s a drug addict as well. Who knows how many venereal diseases he has caught?”

“Oh, so you choose to believe what you've heard? And you are telling me all this when you don't know him?” Sauli asked, a little disappointed by Pia’s judgment. She doesn’t usually label or judge the people she doesn't know. Sauli has a feeling that Adam has either a very good reputation as an escort or a very bad one.

But at the same time, the best and most known people deal with rumors more often than anyone else. And considering what he saw last night, Adam really was quite sought after.

“Well, no.” Pia said, sighing. She noticed how Sauli’s face tensed when she mentioned Adam, “Sauli, he’s a prostitute. If he was somehow nice to you during your intercourse…”

“I didn’t buy anything from him.” Sauli said defensively, finally tearing his eyes off Adam who was standing across the street, messing with his phone. Probably texting someone, who is probably a client, “He offered, but I didn’t take him up on it.”

“Oh, thank God.” Pia groaned, then covered her mouth in shock. Was she really _that_ judgmental? She just has heard many, not-so-nice things being said about this Adam. She doesn’t want her best friend to get involved with anything like that. She's just protective.

“He sat with me for a while. He’s actually really nice. I don’t think he deserves any bad reputation.” Sauli whispered, gloom glimmering in his eyes. The memory of seeing Adam being beaten up made his heart ache. And it was because of him.

“I don’t know what is considered bad for escorts," Pia admitted, “And to be honest, I don’t know where all of the rumors come from. I actually saw him once in a store and I, even though I’m taller than your average girl, couldn’t reach something, I don’t remember what, from the top shelf. He offered help and smiled very sweetly after he had helped me.”

Sauli smiled. He can somehow imagine that happening. Adam is very tall, after all. Those gorgeous legs go for miles.

Pia leaned closer to Sauli by placing her elbows on the table.

“Look… I honestly don’t think you’re the first guy who fancies Adam for real, and not just because of… You know.”

“I don’t fancy him!” Sauli rushed out in panic. He really didn’t; he just had this huge urge to make it up to Adam after he saw what happened to him last night. Maybe he could buy him a drink or something? But he needs to make it up _somehow_. Just not in bed.

“Yes, you do.” Pia chuckled, “And I get that. Attraction can happen on first sight. But I just don’t think he’s going to change for you or for anyone. I have a feeling that he loves his job.”

If things were different Pia would think Sauli's crush was cute. But they weren't. Sauli deserves so much better than a prostitute.

Sauli sighed, pursing his lips and pouting.

“I don- Oh fuck, he’s coming in here!” He cursed, panicking a little inside. Can he say hi? Or not? What was the harm in a simple greeting?

Pia was sitting with her back towards the counter and cashier, so she just briefly glanced over her shoulder to see Adam. He was leaning cozily against the counter, eyeing the different options of coffees and cakes.

“Can't he see me? Or is he just ignoring me?” Sauli frowned as he watched Adam give the cashier a cheeky smile in greeting.

Pia gave Sauli a knowing look.

“This is what I meant. He’s not on the hunt now so he doesn’t expect that he needs to greet his clients.”

“But I wasn’t-“

“To him, you were. Did you do something? Because he looks kind of bitter...” Pia frowned after she had glanced at Adam again.

Sauli sighed. Yes, he did do something. Or more specifically, he _didn’t_ do anything, and that’s exactly why he feels so horrible at the moment. He feels somehow indebted to Adam after the beating Adam took because of him. Maybe he could go back to the club tonight and buy him a drink.

Then again he could just forget him. He could forget that mischievous smile Adam had given him, those beautiful eyes, and the sweet rush of his laughter…

Oh, fuck. Just _why_ does he _always_ have to fancy someone he can’t have?

♥♥♥

Maybe coming back to the club tonight was a bad decision, after all.

Sauli was jealous. Just a little. Or maybe not. Maybe it was just worry and sadness. But one thing he knew for sure: He hated seeing Adam like that.

His back pressed against another man's chest, his arms wound behind the guy's neck. The guy was touching his stomach. Sauli could see his hands move under the sparkly fabric of Adam's tank top.

And Adam was smiling. He looked happy, like he was having the time of his life. He laughed and bent forward a little when the guy playfully squeezed his package through his tight leather pants.

"Forbidden areas there, sir." Adam beamed, turning around and lacing his arms around his taker's neck, "That could be fixed with $1500."

The taker groaned. Sauli guessed he was all out of money. It made him smirk against his water glass. Yes, he was drinking water in a bar.

Adam faked a pout and let go of the man.

"Too bad, then." He said, spinning on his heel and was immediately pulled into another embrace. He laughed again. It really looked like he enjoyed the attention he was getting from the men around him. And Sauli knew he loved teasing them.

Then Adam’s eyes found his through the throngs of horny men.

Sauli choked on his drink. He pretended he didn't see Adam yank out of the embrace he was in and stomp over to him. He looked a little pissed off yet pleased to see Sauli in the club again.

"Are you stalking me, honey? First you are here, then at the Hard Rock Café, then again you are here. Are you going to buy alcohol? If not, leave now."

Sauli's eyes went innocently wide. Not that Adam's words really surprised him, but he really looked genuinely mad at the moment.

"I am not stalking anyone." Sauli said, putting his drink down on the table, "I just feel bad because of what happened last night. Let me make it up to you."

Adam rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. He had this ‘I’m listening’ look on so Sauli thought that this is his only chance to talk.

Sauli pulled out a few bills from his pocket and waved them at Adam, whose eyes were fixated on them. Okay, wow, Adam totally got the wrong hint. There is no way he's going to...

"What do you want, baby? Best blowjob of your life?" Adam asked, suddenly smiling as he sank down to his knees between Sauli's legs, licking his lush lips, "I have a _really_ good mouth."

Sauli's heart ached. He couldn't believe that he basically held this young man in the palm of his hand, that he'll do anything asked of him as long as there is money in the game.

"In private." Sauli added.

Adam arched his eyebrow and looked at the bills pointedly. He basically said: 'Not with that'.

Sauli pulled out a few more. Adam smiled smugly, getting up gracefully and pulling Sauli with him. The jealous looks Sauli got when Adam wove through the crowd clutching his hand made Sauli feel sick.

Adam had a private room in the back. It was seductively lit up with dim lighting that created an atmosphere and there was a fluffy mattress in the middle of it, with an army of cushions. The duvet was deep red, probably satin or silk.

"Are you a top?" Adam asked, a warm, damp whisper against Sauli's ear, "Or a bottom? Wait, don't answer. Let me do that discovery on my own," he said, making his way to the bed and laying down.

Sauli's cock would've been very interested if the circumstances had been different. He wasn't going to harass Adam's body in any way.

"Get to it. Minimum length for a private act is 15 minutes and you got exactly that.” Adam reminded and started unbuckling his belt, “No time for foreplay, come on." he urged impatiently, the zipper of his pants going down as well.

"Stop."

Adam let out an impatient breath.

"What now? Are you a virgin? Trust me honey, if you are you don't want to lose it here."

"I'm not. And stop calling me 'honey'."

Adam sighed, leaving his belt open as he pulled his hands up to rub his face tiredly, trying not to ruin his carefully-applied makeup. Jesus Christ, where do these guys come from? Sauli told him he’s a _nurse_. Of course he was going to go all ‘I care for people’ on him. Just great. Does he look like he has the time or energy for that?

"Then what the fuck do you want? A good night kiss in private?"

"I just wanted to talk to you… Nothing more."

Adam dropped his hands from his face and looked at Sauli for a moment. He's sure he hadn't hit his head _that_ hard last night. He's hearing all sort of strange things being said to him. Or maybe all the hair-pulling is starting to affect the function of his brain.

He pushed himself up and kept frowning. Mostly because that was new to him. He has seen a lot during his career. But not that. Never once has anyone paid that much money just to talk with him.

"I am not the only one here who is treated like trash." Adam said quietly and buckled his belt, "Besides, I'm in my full energy tonight. I don't think I would have lacked a client today so you don’t have to worry about me getting punished."

Sauli shrugged, walking towards the bed and sitting down.

"I know. I’ve sat in the corner booth for two hours and have seen at least four people with you, already. I thought maybe you could take a break…"

Adam’s face softened.

"What you did was thoughtful. But you don't know me at all, and I don't expect you to do such things for me. This is my job, and I can handle it, thank you very much."

Sauli bit his lip. He didn't really know what to say, but what he did for Adam felt somehow right. Especially since Adam was beaten up because of him. He can’t just forget that, and this was the least he could do.

"No doubts. But still, take these." Sauli whispered, indicating the money meant in exchange for his 'blowjob'. The reason they ended up here.

Adam glanced at them but shook his head no.

"I can't."

"Yes, you can. And you will. I insist." Sauli said, taking Adam's wrist and pressing the money into his hand, then closing Adam's fingers around them.

Adam smiled. Almost bashfully.

"So what can I do for you?"

"Now? Nothing, except take the money. Tomorrow, buy me a coffee and we're square."

Adam chuckled. Genuinely. Something about that made Sauli sure he wasn't older than 19. 20 tops.

"No, we're not. First, you got me all beaten up and then you do this to make it up for me. If I buy you a coffee, you will owe me again." Adam said wisely, holding his forefinger up. His tone was playful. Nothing sexual or seductive, just pure childish playfulness.

Sauli smiled at the challenge Adam was setting. Two could play this game. He could take this whole thing as a challenge.

"Then I guess I have to take you to see a movie sometime. Then we’re square."

Adam smiled, shaking his head in pure disbelief. He should know by now that he needs to protect his core underneath the layers of thick skin and hard exterior. He shouldn’t let anyone too close.

"I don't know are you the most difficult or the easiest client I've ever had" Adam said, his eyes narrowed as he looked at Sauli.

Sauli grinned. Adam saw his perfectly white teeth. Sauli’s tanned skin made them look even brighter than they probably really were.

Adam slouched on his back on the bed and closed his eyes. Damn, he has 15 minutes to take a small, but much-needed break. Or now just 10 minutes, but anyway... He's thankful for this time.

Sauli could see how tired he was. But it isn't his place to ask personal questions about his condition. Even though he might be a nurse, he doesn’t question all the people he happens to see.

"You are so bad.” Adam said then, his eyes still closed. His arms were folded under his head and it made his sparkly top ride up, giving Sauli a glimpse of his tummy. His skin was a delicious creamy pale, but there were a few love bites along his hipbones.

Adam continued talking;

“You wanna have coffee with a well-known whore in a public place. I don't think there is a person in this city who doesn't know, or hasn't heard of me. People will start talking.”

"Don't say that... You're not a..."

Sauli trailed off when Adam peeked at him beneath long, dark lashes and arched his eyebrow. Well, Adam _is_ , but he's also a person. And something in him attracts Sauli. But not in the way people would think.

"Okay. You're an escort. But you're also a human being. I saw you yesterday at the café. You looked very normal." Sauli said with a small smile.

Adam giggled, cocked his head to the side.

"Whatever. But now the bouncer thinks we're having sex and if he doesn't hear a sound, I'm dead."

Sauli gulped.

"So...?"

"Block your ears unless you want to hear." Adam murmured, grimacing. He cleared his throat a bit before throwing in a few fake moans, " _Uhh... Oh... Sir, I’m so close."_

Sauli's eyes were wide, his face probably redder than the duvet of the bed. Those are the moans Sauli hears in porn. Nothing genuine or real about them.

Adam wasn't even embarrassed. So he has learned how to fake pleasure.

"I know how I ended up here. Doing something like this," Adam said then, "But I don't get why people buy sex from a stranger. There's no connection or anything."

Sauli shrugged.

"Good question. Have you ever had sex with someone without money?"

Adam nodded. He worried his bottom lip.

"Yeah. When I was, like, 17. I fell in love with a client. But I was young and foolish for thinking he could actually care about me." God, 17? How long has Adam been selling himself?

Sauli just nodded, a sign that he was listening. He looked around himself, seeing all sorts of play toys in the corners of the room. Dildos, plugs, vibrators, clamps, cock rings, feathers... Even things he couldn't name. He wonders what might have been the raciest thing Adam has been made to do.

"You ever had a real sadist here?"

Adam laughed.

"Once again I have to ask, why do you care?" Adam asked, glancing at Sauli, who just shrugged, "To answer to your question; Yes. I've gotten all sort of twisted people here. You don't even wanna know."

"Yeah, maybe not." Sauli admitted, "So... What time tomorrow? You wanna meet up for coffee, I mean."

The look Adam gave him was sort of... doubtful? Like he thought Sauli was only messing with him earlier. Who would ever want to be seen with him in public?

"You're not gonna let it go, are you?" He kind of grumbled. Which was cute.

Sauli shook his head no.

"Fine. Meet me in front of the club at 2 p.m."

"Deal." Sauli beamed.

Adam checked the clock and cursed. How did the time pass by so fucking fast?

"Ruffle my hair and bite my neck."

"What?!"

"Do it! They're not gonna believe you fucked me if I look like this!" Adam hissed, almost in panic, "Just do it, please..."

Sauli bit his lip and reached out. He tenderly bent Adam's head to see his neck. There were lots of fading marks on his skin. Maybe every client has to mark him or some shit.

"Adam, I... I can't."

"You gotta do it!" Adam insisted, "I don't want another punishment... "

Sauli was between two fires. But he didn't want Adam to get hurt again because of him.

"But... You said you get beaten up when you don't get a client. You've had many tonight."

Adam sighed.

"I get hurt every time I haven't given my customers what they want. Fuck, they don't need a reason to hurt me. But the hickeys are usually my saviors."

Okay, Sauli felt worse than ever. First he got a picture that Adam is a very high-class prostitute, who has complete control over his clients and his actions, but it seems that he was wrong. Big time.

Sauli latched his lips on Adam's throat and sucked the delicate skin. His skin tasted like makeup and sweat mixed with the divine scent of his cologne.

Adam closed his eyes, surprised by the lack of teeth. A part of him still expected Sauli to get eager and have his way with him just like everybody else here. But that didn’t happen. Sauli’s body was almost rigid, and for a second Adam hated that he had to make Sauli do this.

But after a while, Sauli pulled away and ruffled Adam's hair. He ran his fingers through it like he would normally do to anyone. Friends or patients that needed comfort.

"Thank you." Adam whispered, crawling further on the mattress, "Now go."

Sauli turned away when Adam started undressing. He can't see him naked and to be honest, he really doesn't want to. Not like this.

Sauli left the room quietly. Once outside, he already saw another man waiting to get in. He looked exactly the type of guy who could easily hurt Adam if he wanted. But looks could be deceiving, of course.

Still, Sauli felt sick just thinking about it.

♥♥♥ 

Adam doesn’t usually smoke. He fears it might harm his vocal cords. But after the wild night, he really needed to have a cigarette.

Adam was one of the very few escorts who lived in the back area of the club. After getting caught trying to escape he doesn't dare to try again. Besides, the daytime is all his; he can do whatever and go wherever he wants to.

His real room in the back, not his work chamber, contains a nice bed, TV and wardrobes. But that’s pretty much it.

It would be nice to have an apartment of his own. A place that would feel safe and cozy like homes always should. But at the same time, he doesn’t have any friends or anyone outside the club who would care about his existence, so why even bother? Someday, Adam will have enough money to leave this place.

The owner of the club takes half of his earnings every night, which is unfair, but at least Adam gets more money than other escorts here.

Adam exhaled the smoke of his cigarette out and rested his head against the pile of pillows. He closed his eyes, letting his mind drift to someone he had met just two nights ago.

Sauli had a very gorgeous face. One you couldn’t just easily forget. Especially those piercing blue eyes. He had the perfect bone structure.

Adam’s head perked up when he heard a knock on his door.

“Who is it?”

“It’s Sutan”

Oh, Sutan. Sutan works in the club as a makeup artist for Adam, and sometimes he fills in as the bartender. He’s the only nice one in the staff.

“Sutan or Raja?” Adam asked, smiling while getting up from his bed to open the door.

“Just Sutan.”

Adam opened the door and let Sutan into his room.

“Cigarette.” Sutan frowned, wanting to yank it off from Adam’s lips, “It’s bad for you.”

“I know.” Adam said and took the last drag of the cigarette before stomping it in the small glass jar beside his bed. He slouched back on his king-sized bed and closed his eyes.

“Rough day, huh?” Sutan asked and sat on the edge of Adam’s bed. He stroked Adam’s leg soothingly like he always does when he sees that Adam’s not feeling the greatest.

Adam merely nodded.

“Many takers today. Including one guy who paid for a private act and all he did was sit on my bed while I almost snoozed.”

“Well, I guess watching someone sleeping can be a kink, too.” Sutan offered but Adam laughed, shaking his head.

“No, it was not like that. He literally just sat there. And asked me out.”

Sutan made a face. He never understood the clients who think they can somehow get a hooker’s fancy. If a prostitute wants a partner, he or she will probably find it somewhere else. Love is out of the question in prostitution.

“What did you say?”

“I said yes. Because I have a feeling he might not leave me alone if I didn't."

Sutan sighed. Adam knew that face. It's the face Sutan always gives him when he expresses his concern about something that Adam is doing.

"Boo, you know I'm just trying to protect you," Sutan said, the tone of his voice calm, "But remember what happened last time."

"Well, yeah, but Mike was a client. Sauli didn't do anything sexual to me. He didn't want to." Adam was picking on his nail polish while he talked. He feels like a kid every time Sutan rants to him about something.

"Describe him. I might have seen him in the club,"

Adam sighed, rubbing the ridge of his nose. Damn, he's getting drowsy as well as hungry. His ability to focus on anything decreases when he's drowsy or hungry.

"Blonde, tanned skin, quite short. Tonight he was wearing a bright blue blazer and black jeans."

And he looked hot. A type Adam is normally attracted to. If he wasn't just a worthless hooker, as Adam himself thinks, he'd be trying to hit on Sauli without any worry.

Sutan tried to remember, but he couldn't. He sold so many drinks during the night. The growl of Adam's stomach interrupted his thinking.

Adam giggled.

"Aw, I'm gonna go and find something to eat for you. You go take a long, hot shower and wash away all the dirt and dust, okay?" Sutan asked, smiling and patting Adam's knee.

Adam nodded. Shower time is the best moment of his day. Even though he can't wash away the feeling of filthiness, he can at least wash away the musky scents of his clients.

♥♥♥

Adam looked so normal when he wasn't at work. He had a pair of skinny grey jeans on, complete with a white T-shirt and a black leather jacket. And sunglasses. Which came off once they were inside the café.

God, Adam has the most beautiful eyes. Initially, Sauli thought it was the dark makeup giving his eyes the gleaming effect, but now, seeing them without it. Wow.

"What do you want?" Sauli asked, snapping out of his dream, "I can pay."

Adam chuckled, shaking his head and pulling his wallet out from his back pocket.

"I thought we agreed that it's my treat. You paid, like, $700 to get a short private act with me and all you did was sit on the edge of my bed while I snoozed." Adam said, glancing at Sauli from beneath his long lashes, "And I couldn't be more thankful. So that's one more reason why I am paying. Cappuccino?"

"Sure." Sauli smiled, "But next time it's my treat."

"Oh, there will be next time?" Adam asked, his lips curling into a small smile. And much to his surprise, Sauli blushed. A bright splash of red across his tanned cheeks.

"You already promised me a movie night." Adam teased.

"Well, you tell me." Sauli said, trying to remain calm. He didn't want to rush things or even imagine something that might never happen.

The waitress placed two cups of coffee on the counter, and Sauli grabbed one while Adam paid.

Adam grabbed his own drink after paying and followed Sauli, letting him choose the table. It was secluded enough to give privacy but not too isolated. Once they sat down, Sauli removed his jacket and put it on the backrest of his chair.

Then Adam noticed his tattoos. And those tanned, muscular arms. He realized, a little uneasily, that Sauli was capable of hurting him physically if he ever wanted to. His small size was misleading.

"You need to think it through before you say you want to see me again." Adam said then, bringing up the subject, "Tell me when we finish our coffee."

"I don't think I will change my mind, but if it pleases you, it's fine by me." Sauli said, shrugging a bit, "I'd want you to tell me about yourself, but I don't know if that's an appropriate question."

The other side of Adam's mouth twitched as he was staring at his coffee. He lifted his head and gave Sauli a smile that could have been labeled as... Sad? Regretful?

"See? You can't even ask me normal questions without feeling guilty." He said quietly, "Are you really sure you want to..."

"I wouldn't be here if I wasn't sure."

Adam sighed. It was weary and frustrated, but then he got a smile. There was something so attractive in that smile that he was beginning to adore; it transformed Adam's whole face.

"You are impossible. I don't know how I should read you."

Sauli wiggled his eyebrows.

"I'm not a book, you can't just read me. Not even with your eyes." He said, sipping his coffee that was still a little too hot.

Adam took a sip of his own coffee to hide his smile behind the mug. It all feels so weird. It wasn't the first time someone has tried to get his attention only to get a discount for sex. Adam kind of understands, he thinks, but why can't they just be like other clients?

Or just freaking ask if Adam can do an hour act for $1500 instead of $1750?

"So... I'm curious. Two nights ago you came to an escort club and then freaked out when I offered myself to you."

"I just moved here. And I thought the club was just a regular club. Guess I was wrong. But I did see this good looking worker there who ended up getting beaten up by his boss because of me. So I felt like I kind of owe him." Sauli said, gazing into Adam's eyes. Fuck, were they beautiful. Beautiful doesn't do them justice.

"So if you go and see a movie with me, let's say, on Friday, are you gonna leave me alone after it?" Adam asked, challenging them both a bit. He really doesn't want people to start talking shit about Sauli.

Adam doesn't care what they say about him, but Sauli doesn't deserve the bad reputation. Sauli just doesn't seem to realize that he's a prostitute, and nothing more.

"Do you want me to?" Sauli asked, his palms sweating.

Adam sighed. He doesn't really know, to be honest.

"If you want a relationship, you're looking in the wrong crowd. "

"Who said I want a relationship?" Sauli asked, arching his eyebrow.

Adam raised his eyebrow as well. He was much better at it, too.

"You have some secret motives then?"

"You're never gonna find out if you push me away." Sauli smirked innocently.

Damn. Sauli is somehow so mysterious, it attracts Adam. And the feeling is same on Sauli's end of things. He wants to learn about Adam a lot more than just the fact that he's a prostitute.

"So... You don't have to tell me anything too personal, but maybe you could tell me _something_ about you?" Sauli suggested then, "Anything at all."

Adam took a sip from his coffee, hoping to buy himself some time, then sighed.

"Like what? I like ice cream. That's like the only thing I'm not embarrassed to admit." Adam said, then frowned, "Wait. Actually I am. Ice cream makes me fat."

Sauli huffed.

"And this coffee contains so much calories." Adam pouted, mostly joking. He doesn't watch his diet that much. Just enough to keep himself fit, but he doesn't deny himself all the sweet things. Especially chocolatey sweet things.

Adam took a longer gulp of his coffee.

Sauli watched him when he placed the mug back down on the table. There was a thin line of coffee cream on Adam's upper lip.

Sauli grinned.

"I bet it does. But you have cream on your lip"

"Attractive." Adam chuckled, wiping his mouth with a napkin, "I'm so awkward when it comes to normal life communication. I think I lack that type of skill, sorry."

"It's fine. I think it's cute" Sauli smiled, "So you like ice cream? What else?"

"I'm a good singer. And a good kisser. That's about everything I can tell you." Adam said, putting the napkin on the table, "And you are a nurse. And a pain in the ass."

The look on Adam's face was mischievous, and Sauli knew he wasn't that serious about that statement.

"At least not physically."

Adam's eyes widened, and for a second Sauli thought he went a bit too far. But then Adam started laughing.

"And I appreciate that." He said between his chuckles. He got serious soon despite Sauli's matching grin, "I am a little cocky, I know it. I have to be. But I do appreciate your effort to show me another kind of attraction than others. I have no family or friends." Adam sighed, staring at his coffee, "Even though you'll probably forget about me in a few days, I do appreciate your company."

"What makes you think I will forget?" Sauli asked and sipped his coffee.

Adam shrugged.

"Because I am not going to be your boyfriend?"

"Don't think too much of yourself." Sauli smirked, "I might just want to be your friend."

Adam's lips quirked in a small smile.

"I could use a friend." He said, "It would be my first. Well, second, if Sutan counts. Is it too much to ask if I want somebody in my life who can make me laugh?"

Sauli smiled, shaking his head as no.

"I can try."

♥♥♥

But Sauli's trying turned out to be a pathetic try. Three days since their coffee date and Sauli hasn't been around.

Adam walked out of his chamber when the club opened at 10. p.m. He scanned through the room but didn't see Sauli anywhere.

Not that he could blame Sauli about anything. Who would want to see a hooker every day, anyway? Without having sex, that is. And Sauli didn't want that.

Well, who cares if one guy who doesn't even want sex isn't here right now? It's not like Adam hasn't been able to cope with all of this before, has adapted to expect anything.

Adam stepped on the pedestal that was placed in the middle of the crowd. He heard whistles over the loud music as he grabbed the dance pole in the middle of the pedestal.

"Make it rain?" He suggested seductively yet innocently to the guys who stood around the pedestal, eyeing Adam like he was a piece of juicy meat.

"Always, baby." One of them said.

Adam smirked, wrapping his fingers around the pole and twirling around it once to get more attention. It didn't take long until almost every man in the club was staring at him.

Adam spread his legs and slid lower, letting the pole rub his crotch on the way down. He saw cash being thrown on the pedestal immediately. Did it make him feel cheap? Yes. Did he care? No.

Adam wasn't much of a pole dancer, but he could drive anyone and everyone crazy just by humping it.

He let go of the pole and stood next to it, turning his back towards the guys who had thrown a few bills. He hooked his thumbs under the waistband of his pants, pulling them lower to reveal the tiniest bit of his butt crack.

Adam smirked at the guys he was facing when he heard the men behind him whistle and go crazy. But Adam's mischievous joy was short-lived when he noticed Sauli walk in.

Adam pulled his pants up and pretended that he didn't see him. Why is he letting Sauli affect him like that? It's not like he cares what the blonde thinks.

Adam walked closer to the men he was facing and gave them a little gift as well; He pulled his waistband lower again, just enough to give a glimpse of his neatly trimmed pubes.

And he might have given a glance in Sauli's direction.

But Sauli didn't seem too interested, vice versa. Adam was starting to doubt if he's even gay. He sighed, pulling up his waistband and collecting his bills, then hopping down from the pedestal.

He made his way to Sauli, ignoring the disapproving groans from the guys.

"Didn't know you were into stripteasing."

Adam laughed. It was more of a you-gotta-be-kidding-me laugh than a genuine laugh of joy.

"And what do you think you know about the things I'm into?" Adam asked, crossing his arms.

Sauli shrugged.

"Apparently, less than everybody else here."

Adam gritted his teeth. Sauli could tell it by the way his jaw tensed and the veins in his neck popped out.

"Well, let me tell you a secret," Adam said, bending over the table just to get his face closer to Sauli's, "These people don't give a fuck about the things _I'm_ into. So I recommend you to stop assuming things."

Adam straightened up, intending to walk away, but Sauli grabbed his wrist.

"I'm sorry. If I insulted you, I apologize. I didn't mean to do that." Sauli said softly, "I actually came to ask when shall we go to see that movie?"

Adam sighed, glancing over his shoulder towards the bar. Sutan wasn't there. So maybe it was safe for him to sit down with Sauli. Just for a few minutes.

"I thought you changed your mind?" Adam said quietly and slid into the booth, "I haven't seen you around after our coffee date. And Friday was yesterday. I was waiting for you."

"I'm sorry. It has been hectic at work. Staying up late in a club hasn't even been an option for me." Sauli said and held up his water glass, "And I'm not even getting drunk."

"I could have used another 20 minute break." Adam whispered and rolled up the sleeve of his almost see-through buttoned up shirt. He revealed a few fresh bruises, no older than a day.

Sauli's heart clenched. He felt so bad for not been able to visit the club and see Adam.

"I don't expect you to care and you don't even have to but-"

"I care." Sauli whispered, "But I can't save you from every bruise, I..."

"I didn't think you could." Adam rushed out, his voice small, insecure. All traces of cockiness gone as he continued, "No one can. I just... I just somehow forget all the bad things when I'm in your company. I don't know why..." he said, fumbling to pull the sleeves of his shirt back down without giving Sauli a glance.

He slid out of the booth and went straight to someone who seemed to be waiting for him more eagerly than Sauli.

"I'm gonna take the whole night." Said the man, whoever he was, his hands gripping on Adam's ass non too gently, "It's $8000, right?"

Adam buried his face in the man's neck and nodded. He didn't know why he felt a strong need to hide, a client’s neck probably wasn't the best place to hide in, either.

When Sauli saw the thick wad of bills the man got, he scooted out of his booth before he could even think what he was doing.

"Sorry, sir. I have $8050."

Adam pulled away from the man when he heard a familiar voice behind him. He saw Sauli hold up a wad of cash.

"I got here first!" The man growled, closing a large hand around Adam's bicep in a bruising, possessive grip.

"The amount of money solves." Adam beamed and struggled away from the embrace. He left the man gaping in disbelief when he took Sauli's hand and guided him through the crowd.

Once inside the chamber, Adam got on his bed and spread his legs.

"You bought the whole night. Don't tell me you don't want me."

Sauli smiled a little. Mostly because the cockiness was back. Adam's vulnerable side came out of its shelter for a minute then disappeared back in like it never was.

"I don't. Not in that prospect." Sauli said, sitting on the edge of Adam's mattress.

Adam groaned. Sauli spent over $8000 to get alone with him, then says he isn't here for sex. Adam really doesn't understand Sauli's motives.

"You could sleep." Sauli whispered.

Adam's heart tripped a couple of times.

"What?"

His heart probably tripped again when he felt Sauli take his hand.

"Sleep. You need it." Sauli insisted, giving Adam's hand a light squeeze of reassurance, "Don't you?"

Adam sighed, staring at their joined hands. He should put some distance between him and Sauli because his feelings were starting to freak him out.

"Well, yeah but..."

"No buts. You're exhausted."

"You paid $8050... just to let me sleep?" Adam asked, his voice soft. The tears burned in his eyes but he held them back. They were nothing compared to the rain that never lets up inside him.

"I'd rather see you again tomorrow more freshened up," Sauli said, "Because I'm taking you out."

"I'm not a puppy on a leash," Adam joked, removing his hand out of Sauli's hold and shifting to lay on his side. He really was burnt out to the bone.

Sauli just smiled. He fell quiet, wanting and needing Adam to fall asleep. He was just content to watch, too.

Adam lay on his side, curled up to keep himself more warm.

Sauli could tell by the way he breathed that he was cold. The thin, almost see-through fabric of Adam's shirt did nothing to keep him warm in the air-conditioned room.

He took off his blazer and spread it over Adam's torso.

Adam's eyes fluttered open. His back was towards Sauli so he couldn't see his face, but is Sauli really being this thoughtful? What the hell?

"Sleep tight." Adam heard Sauli whisper. It made him relax. A small smile appeared on his lips and he clutched the jacket over him.

For the first time in years, he felt like he could gain enough energy to get through another day.

♥♥♥ 

Adam woke up at 9 a.m. For a second he didn't really know where he was and what was happening since nobody slept beside him.

And he wasn't naked. And his ass didn't hurt. And somehow he didn't feel dirty and used.

He then noticed an unfamiliar blazer draped over his upper body. Adam sat up, surprised by the lack of pounding in his head as well.

The reason for all of that was lying on the floor. Adam remembered turning down an offer, bringing Sauli back here and then falling asleep.

"You could have slept on the bed." Adam said with a small smile, tossing the jacket to Sauli. He knew Sauli was awake because of the way he breathed.

Adam has learned to recognize it. Some of his clients try to get more cuddle time with him just by pretending they are still asleep.

Sauli opened his eyes and smiled. He looked so positive and beamy even though he had just woken up. Well, Adam doesn't know has been awake for hours or minutes but anyway. No one should be _that_ positive and beamy at 9 a.m.

"I wanted you to be able to sleep alone this time. Without someone clinging onto you." Sauli said, sitting up and stretching his neck. Poor guy really slept on the hard floor.

"You would have clung onto me?"

"I dunno," Sauli grinned, "I'm kinda clingy when I sleep. I've been told I resemble an octopus."

Adam giggled. Sauli was sure it was the most adorable thing he has ever heard. It sounded so light and sweet. That kind of giggle that can put you in a great mood when you're having a bad day.

"Are you free now? We could have breakfast together." Sauli suggested, getting up from the floor.

"I'm free. But I can't leave with you now. You gotta go first." Adam reminded, and reached into his pocket, "And take these back." he said as he pulled out the bills Sauli had given him last night.

Sauli shook his head and walked closer to Adam, closing his fist and making an approving face.

"No. You keep it."

Adam sighed.

"I can't. Sauli, it's your money."

It was Sauli's turn to sigh.

"I can take half of it back. But the other half you give to your boss."

"Deal." Adam beamed, pushing half of the bills into Sauli's hands. This way he doesn't feel so bad, "And how did you even have so much money in your pocket?"

"I just might have seen this happen." Sauli said, wiggling his eyebrows and put the money into his pocket.

"Right. Now go" Adam kind of groaned and nudged Sauli's thigh, "I need to look like I've been fucked the whole night and I am not letting you watch."

Sauli smiled, placing his palm on the side of Adam's head and bending down to peck his forehead.

Adam went a little rigid at the contact. But when he saw Sauli spin around, and pick his jacket to leave, he relaxed.

That little kiss on his forehead was the most meaningful of all the kisses he has received.

Adam removed his shirt and pants, his boots as well, and settled under the duvet of the bed. He would rather not do that, considering that the sheets are stained with all sorts of body fluids.

Sleeping on top of the duvet, covered by Sauli's jacket, was a much better option.

Adam heard the door open, just long enough for the bouncer to see if he has been screwed well. As soon as the door was closed, louder than necessary, Adam scooted out of the bed, shuddering.

He pulled his clothes back on, washed his face in the sink in the corner and left his chamber.

"Where do you think you're going?" The bouncer asked, yanking him by the arm on that very second Adam was out of the chamber.

"Out to have breakfast." Adam hissed, "Jesus. Isn't your shift over already?"

The bouncer let go of him.

"It ends when you leave."

"Well, I am leaving now." Adam said, pulling out the previous night's money from his pocket and pushing them into the bouncer's hands, "Take them to the boss."

Adam rushed back to his own room to use the bathroom and change his clothes. He likes wearing jeans and leather jackets when he's out.

He's blending in. Except that he's way more stylish than other people in the city.

When Adam left his room and went to the back doors, his boss was there, counting the bills with credit marks in his eyes, cigarette in his mouth. He looked like a freaking Mafia boss.

He's always standing right there, watching over the door Adam uses to go out like a hawk. If Adam hadn't earned enough, he wouldn't allow him to go out.

"Well done, sugarpants." His boss said, that disgusting smirk on his face, "I knew I could trust in you. Your tight hole is the reason those men come here. I'm glad you give them what they want."

"My pleasure." Adam grit out, feeling bile rise in his throat.

His boss hummed in some sick satisfaction.

"Good boy." He said, pinching Adam's cheek, "Remember what happens when you lie to me."

Adam pushed the dirty hand off his face and just nodded. He shouldered past his boss and sighed in relief once outside. He truly appreciates Sauli's good intentions, but hopefully, he understands that he's playing with Adam's life.

♥♥♥

Adam sucked the cigarette and slouched back into the cushions, blowing out the smoke when he was settled. He knew he shouldn't be smoking, but he needed it right now.

He didn't see Sauli at all tonight, and that alone made him want to curl into a ball and never show his face again.

Lately, he feels like he gets pretty every night in hopes of seeing Sauli. Tonight he was wearing his usual skin-tight leather pants and black sparkly top. His eyes were defined with a smokey eyeliner.

And all for nothing. People in the club usually cared about his ass more than his face. But with Sauli, it felt completely different.

Sauli likes to look him in the eyes when they talk.

Adam stomped the cigarette in a small jar he had next to his bed and started pulling off his boots. He rubbed both his feet, one at a time, after they were released from the shoes.

"How is it possible that you look attractive no matter what you do?"

Adam scooted up, startling at the unfamiliar voice, and turned around towards the door to see who was talking to him. The face wasn'r familiar - He hasn't seen him before.

"It's 2.10 a.m. My shift ended, you should come back tomorrow." Adam said as steadily as he could, though he felt a little bit intimidated by the guy breaking into his space, "Or at least pay for the whole night."

The guy gave him a gentle, soothing smile and walked closer. He was bigger than Adam, more muscular and about an inch or two taller.

"Sweet little pet," He said, reaching out to stroke Adam's cheek, "You are so beautiful."

Adam swallowed nervously, turning his head to the side, away from the touch, "I'm sorry, but you need to leave. You can come back tomorrow night."

The man laughed deeply and darkly, spinning Adam around and pulling him against his chest. Adam felt his breathing become un-even and his heart beat restlessly.

"Don't be afraid, little lamb. I won't hurt you." Came the voice right next to his ear, and there was a hand sliding up the side of his thigh, "I just want to have a moment with you."

"I can do anything for the right payment, but my shift is over." Adam insisted, hearing how his voice trembled more than he'd like it to. There was a very large and rigid erection snug against his ass.

Adam had an emergency button near his bed. But he had used it only once, and right now he wasn't officially working so it wouldn't help anyway.

"Look at that pretty, plump ass." The man hissed, pulling away enough to cup Adam's ass cheek in his big palm while his other arm stayed around his prey, "I want to see it raised high for me."

Adam squirmed, pushing at the arm around his waist, "I am not available now. You have to go."

The guy smacked his ass rather roughly and shushed into his ear, murmuring how Adam doesn't need to get hurt if he's just being nice and willing.

Adam's mind grew fearful and even more alert.

The sneaky hands appeared on the buckle of his belt and without any trouble got it unbuckled, then started on the button of Adam's pants.

"Stop," Adam hissed, his body growing more restless, "There are other escorts who work for an hour more."

Adam jerked when he felt a hand fondling his junk.

"Stop," Adam repeated, "Or I have to call for my bouncer."

Adam didn't have enough strength left after the day to physically fight off the guy. That fact became clearer when he so easily got Adam on the cushions.

"I thought your shift is over." Came the words and the larger body straddled his hips and tore his shirt open, "Beautiful body. A few bruises can't make it worse."

"W-what?" Adam gasped, rather whispered, and started pushing the man off his body without succeeding, "N-no."

His squirming seemed to just add fuel to the fire.

"I said no!" Adam said louder, "Stop it!" He yelled, bounding his fists against the man's shoulders and chest.

His pants were forcefully tugged lower, the leather hugging his legs so tight it restrained him. Adam started to tremble, his strength weaking in the haze of fear.

"Please... Stop it. I don't want to." Adam whimpered helplessly, trying to push the body lying on top of him off, "Stop!"

Somewhere outside his hearing, the door was pushed open as Sauli stepped in. He wanted to see Adam, wanted to apologize for not making it today. The sight before him froze him at first.

"Let go! I said no!" Adam shouted. His screaming just earned him a rough smack across the face.

Sauli pulled out his phone from his pocket, "Let go. Or I'll call the cops."

The man stumbled off the bed and turned around to see who was talking and threatening him. The guy was small but he indeed held a phone, ready to call the police, so he decided to let it go.

"I'm not done with you, pretty. You did give me a permission to come back tomorrow, remember that." The man said, laughing as he left. Sauli knew he couldn't call the police since it would get Adam and the whole club in trouble, but the threat worked.

The whole idea of the guy walking freely around the streets disturbed Sauli. He glanced out and saw the bouncer get really mad at him for being in Adam's room without his permission and for free.

So maybe he will take care of the creepy guy.

Sauli paid the bouncer, though. There went the last bits of his saved money. But thank God he came just in time.

"Adam?"

Adam blinked. His hands were shaking so bad he couldn't steady them enough to even button his pants, only managed to pull them back up. He was nearly raped. Adam felt the tears sting his eyes in pure shock because that has never happened before.

"Hey," Sauli whispered, getting on the bed, "Let me help you."

Adam sat up then, crossing his arms to hide his abdomen. He didn't want to look at Sauli. He felt so embarrassed of what happened though nothing was actually his fault.

Sauli saw the redness appear on the side of Adam's face where he had been roughly slapped.

"Adam..." Sauli whispered, "Are you okay? Did he manage to do anything else? Did he hurt you?"

Adam shook his head no. Sauli noticed Adam's shirt was torn open and he obviously didn't feel comfortable showing his skin, so Sauli grabbed a blanket from the bed, wrapping it around Adam's shoulders.

Adam clutched the fabric thrown over him but still didn't look up into Sauli's eyes.

"That has never happened before..." He whispered, "I was so scared he'd..."

He didn't even want to say it out loud. Sauli wrapped his arm around Adam's shoulders and tried to soothe him the best he could. He didn't know what to say or do right now, even though he had seen molested people at work sometimes.

"I think your bouncer took care of him. I don't think he'll be coming back anytime soon." Sauli said quietly and gently squeezed Adam against his side.

"Hope not. Because if he does he won't be that easy on me." Adam whispered and lowered himself on the bed and placed his head on Sauli's lap, "Will you stay over-night?"

"I was planning to do so." Sauli said and petted Adam's hair, "Do you want to talk about what happened?"

"No," Adam said immediately, "I'm okay. I've been through worse than that... Just stay here while I sleep."

Sauli sighed quiet enough not to let Adam hear and murmured 'I promise'. He wondered what Adam had to endure until he realizes that this is slowly killing him from the inside.

Sauli will try his best to help him out of this. But he fears that Adam is too deep into this business and won't stop no matter what happens.

It breaks Sauli's heart.

Adam's mind kept replaying the scene. He couldn't close his eyes for a second or he'd see the guy who was there just a few moments ago.

"Sauli?"

"Hm?"

"Lay down with me." He pleaded.

Sauli frowned a bit but obeyed happily. He placed a pillow under Adam's head and slid off underneath him and laid down so he faced Adam.

"Thank you."

It was slightly better. This way Adam could see Sauli whenever he felt the urge to open his eyes just to check if he was okay and nothing bad was happening to him.

"I'll look after you," Sauli said gently and stroked his thumb over Adam's cheek, "Please just try to rest now. You've been through a really scary moment."

Adam nodded, dragging himself closer to just smell Sauli's breath.

♥♥♥

"I came to LA for a job. That specific job lasted 6 months and after that I was supposed to go back to Finland." Sauli told Adam when they were walking back from the cinema. They’ve had a pretty normal date. They’ve discussed regular things instead of the night when Adam was attempted to rape.

Adam didn’t want to talk about it. 

They were walking slowly, and Adam was afraid he might be late for work tonight, but maybe his boss won't notice.

Adam glanced at Sauli, arching an eyebrow like he wanted to know more about why Sauli didn't go back.

"I started loving LA. It's so sunny and warm and it fits me better than Finland," Sauli smiled, "And I am just getting to know the other side of LA, now, when my work schedule isn't so busy. Clubbing, having fun, getting social..."

Adam chuckled, shaking his head

"That's all great, Sauli, but if I were you, I would never get to know _this_ side of LA." He said, pointing to himself, "I'm still waiting for you to snap out of it and come to your senses."

Sauli sighed. He stopped walking, grabbing Adam's forearm and turning him around to look at him.

"And what? I know you like being with me, even if you won't admit it."

"I do. I just don't think I'm the right person for you to spend your time with. You will only end up getting-"

"What? Filthy? That it?" Sauli asked, frustration clear in his voice, "I'm not gonna force you to hang out with me again if that's what you really want. But you have to say it to my face."

Adam sighed, shoving his hands in the back pockets of his pants. Why is he so afraid of the human contact he obviously craves?

"I don't want that. It's just really hard for me to allow anyone into my personal space. There's this voice in my head that keeps telling me to never let my guard down. I have a shelter in the club but when I'm not working, even though I'm labeled a whore, I'm just me."

Sauli sighed, starting to walk again and tugging Adam along with him.

"I haven't labeled you. And you don't have to be afraid of me." Sauli insisted, his voice maybe a bit whiny because he wanted nothing but for Adam to believe him.

"Afraid." Adam mumbled, laughing quietly and shaking his head, "I don't think 'afraid' is the word to describe my feelings towards you. I'm not afraid of you." He said calmly, still smiling.

He smile was replaced with a heavy sigh when he saw the familiar club appear in sight. His night is going to start soon, which means he has to say goodbye to Sauli. For now, at least.

"I'm more afraid of myself than you. I might appear very outgoing and beamy but every smile is shadowed with pain. And to be honest," Adam said, his voice gloomy yet he was smiling, "I don't think you want to see those shadows."

Sauli pursed his lips, almost like he was pondering.

"I'll take the risk. Maybe I just need to watch my steps a little."

Adam groaned, playfully nudging Sauli with his hip. What is he going to do with him? It's not that he really wants to get rid of Sauli, but he doesn't want him to get involved with anything he might regret later.

"Well, anyway... I gotta get to work." Adam said when they reached the club.

Sauli just nodded, understanding. As much as he'd like to come and have a few drinks with Adam, his night shift at work starts soon, too.

"It was nice seeing you somewhere other than the club." Sauli smiled, "Can I have a hug?"

Adam hesitated, chewing his bottom lip. It's just a simple hug. Nothing more. Friends hug each other all the time, right?

The first step was the hardest, then they were holding each other. The hug was an electric shock to his system, and he silently mourned its loss in his life. Sauli felt good against him, warm, safe, and he smelled really good. Adam was tempted to stay there, but quickly banished the thought.

Sauli stroked Adam's back and inhaled his scent. He smelled divine, his cologne a husky, intoxicating haze that had to be the best thing he has ever smelled.

He felt almost sad when Adam pulled away.

"I gotta go." He said, not sounding very excited about the prospect. Not that Sauli could blame him, "See you."

Sauli smiled, "Sure. I'll see you around."

He wanted to tell Adam to stay safe, but swallowed it at the last moment.

♥♥♥ 

Being away from Adam was more difficult than he imagined. Sauli didn't even have his phone number so he could text him or call him.

He doesn't want his prepaid number, nor does he want to contact his work number.

So the only way to see or talk to him was going to the club. And Sauli had a really bad feeling when he saw how crowded the place was tonight. Lots of people, lots of cheering...

Sauli pushed his way through the throngs of people dancing away, his eyes scanning through the room, but he didn't see Adam anywhere. Maybe he wasn't at work today?

Sauli was really distressed because Adam is always at work. He barely gets a break to breathe, so why wouldn't he be working?

He got his answer when he reached the other end of the room. He now understood what Pia meant days ago, this place was trashy and very vivid with depictions of sex. It made him sick.

Adam was on his knees, his lips red and swollen from sucking so many cocks during the night. He was being treated like a toy, tossed from one man to another. So that was what the sign outside meant; Get lucky tonight for $5.

How could anyone do that to him? Setting a money value for a human being is bad enough, but _five_ dollars?

"Come here, gorgeous." One of the many guys said, crooking his finger at Adam. Adam was either drunk, beaten up, or simply devastated, because he wasn't being his sassy self. He just willingly crawled to the man.

"You look so pretty down there." Said the guy, stroking Adam's cheek, "I could fuck your delectable ass right here, right now"

Adam shook his head as no, large, glassy eyes begging for mercy as he looked up at the man.

Sauli shoved a $5 dollar bill into the bouncer's hand and joined the guys who were playing with Adam. It was just that little bit reassuring to know that Adam still had control over who he pleased.

Sauli sat on the empty couch and called out Adam's name to get his attention. Recognizing the voice, Adam's head snapped to his direction, and he desperately crawled it way over. It was heart-wrenching.

Once Adam reached him, he got on the couch and straddled his thighs. Sauli was taken aback, but he masked it and ran his hands along Adam's broad back to blend in.

Adam pressed his face against Sauli's neck and wrapped his arms around him. It didn't take long for someone to reach out and touch Adam, a dirty hand looking to sneak beneath garments and claim the soft skin underneath

"You! Wait for your turn!" Sauli hissed, shoving the creepy hand away when Adam flinched and tightened his hold around his neck. Sauli let his hands drop on Adam's lower back but not an inch lower.

"Take me out of here." Adam whispered, his voice carrying an edge of panic, "Please. I can't do this anymore. I can't..."

Something in Sauli's stomach churned. Hearing Adam plead with him like this, knowing he was the only one who gave a damn about _Adam_ , made Sauli's heart drop from its place.

"How? Tell me what can I do. I'll do anything for you." Sauli soothed, stroking Adam's back a bit too gently considering the circumstances.

"There's a wad of bills under the waistband of my pants. Pull them out and just wave them at that ugly dude who's drilling holes in my back with his eyes."

Sauli glanced around them.

"Aren't they gonna notice?"

"You're not the first one to grope a handful of my junk tonight, so no, they won't notice," Adam chuckled, his voice bitter and hollow. He just needed to get out of here right now or he will vomit.

"Taking too long!" The grabby-hands guy said, making another grope for Adam's ass again.

"Don't touch me!" Adam screamed, clinging to Sauli for shelter, for protection or for the care he needed more than ever before. His scream made everyone in the room glance towards them.

Adam's shriek almost broke Sauli's ear drum. Adam has never acted like this before, he was ever the calm mask, always doing what he is told, so Sauli knew something was wrong.

He pulled the bills out from the waistband of Adam's pants and slammed them down against the table, unable to wait any longer because Adam was strangling him and shivering like a leaf.

"I'm buying a private act." He declared.

He looked at the ugly man, as Adam described him, waiting for him to challenge him. The man said nothing, just glared daggers of death at them, so gently tapped Adam's thigh.

"Adam? Get up. Let's go, c'mon."

Adam got up on shaky legs, and Sauli pushed him through the men who were giving Sauli a cocktail of jealous looks.

"Hey, sugarpants, you can barely walk now, so imagine after 30 minutes!"

Sauli gave them the finger and pulled Adam into the hallway where the chambers were, straight into Adam's room.

The second they were inside and Sauli had locked the door, Adam fell on his knees. He wasn't crying, no, but he was panting, and he looked like he was going to hyperventilate.

"Adam...?"

"I can't do this." Adam whispered, "It h-hurts..."

Sauli kneeled before him and tried to tilt his head up by his chin, but Adam jerked away and mumbled something that sounded like ' _don't touch me_ '.

"What hurts? Adam? Please, talk to me."

Adam shook his head frantically and dragged himself closer to his mattress.

Sauli reached out to hug him, but Adam started screaming like he was going to get hurt. Sauli panicked, because someone might hear.

But then again, would anybody even care?

"Don't!" Adam screeched, pushing Sauli away from him, "Don't touch me!"

Sauli knew what an anxiety attack was like. He had seen quite a few during his time as a nurse. This was definitely one of them.

"Shhh," Sauli shushed, "You're okay. I've got you. Just breathe..."

Adam was trembling, whining like he was in physical pain. And for all Sauli knew he might be hurt.

"Adam," Sauli whispered, reaching out his arm, "Give me your hand."

Adam didn't hear him talk, too focused on his own panting and hyperventilating. He jerked when Sauli took his hand into his.

"Baby... I'm not going to hurt you, you know that. You have to relax, take a deep breath..."

Adam seized. He didn't move, his eyes flashing when he glanced at Sauli.

"You called me 'baby'..."

"I did. But not for the same reason the others do." Sauli whispered, daring to get closer to Adam. He wasn't sure did he just lock up in fear or did he relax because of that word.

"You know me. I won't hurt you." Sauli said, gingerly touching Adam's knee. Adam nodded, placing a trembling hand on top of Sauli's.

Sauli felt warm. And he wasn't the only one.

"What on Earth happened earlier? You were so jumpy and timid there."

Adam shrugged.

"I don't know, I... I started off normally. I gave lapdances, stripteases, blowjobs... These so called '$5' days are nothing new, nothing I'm not used to. Hell, they come with the territory. I wasn't intimidated by the men around me." he said, "But then I just... I started thinking that what I'm doing is wrong. That it's bad for me"

"Well..."

"No!" Adam yelled, bolting and staring at Sauli while backing up against the wall, "This is why I didn't want you here. You made me believe that I could be worth something better" He said, slumping down on the floor.

Sauli gulped, not really knowing what was coming.

"I even imagined that my body deserves tender kisses and touches on the places where I have bruises and cuts. Such a foolish thought of me." Adam whispered, letting out an empty chuckle.

Sauli felt something rise in his throat and sting his eyes. He has never seen Adam this shattered and broken, and it probably wasn't even the worst.

"I have only told you the truth..." Sauli said, standing up to maybe walk closer, but he didn't dare.

"You've poisoned my mind with lies, Sauli." Adam hissed, looking up at Sauli and straight into his eyes, "You've made me believe in dreams I could never have... "

Adam squeezed his eyes shut to keep the tears from falling. He's not going to break now, he has to show that he's still tough made, even if his shelter has been shaken. Badly.

"I will never get to feel a kiss without lust, or a touch without objectifying."

Sauli wanted to say he would be ready to give both of those. But Adam wouldn't believe him. Or he would believe in him, but not in his chances to feel them.

"I'm nothing but a filthy whore." Adam said, his voice a little stronger, "And you should take your sympathy with you and leave now."

Sauli wasn't sure if he was breathing anymore. His chest felt too tight for the air to pass through.

"I'm not leaving. I can't leave you like this..." Sauli insisted, gritting his teeth to keep himself from crying.

"I'm _fine_." Adam said, "But if you hammer my head with any of your ' _you're worth more than this_ ' bullshit, I might not be."

Sauli took a step closer, but stopped when Adam glared at him.

"I was only trying to help..." Sauli whispered, his heart wrenching. He never thought he could do more harm than good with his words. He was only trying to lighten Adam's thoughts on the future.

"I know. But if you want to help me, and if you care about me even the slightest bit... you leave. Now." Adam said, getting up when he was sure his legs could carry him again.

It wasn't fair. Adam can't use all that against him, it's just wrong.

"You can't say that." Sauli whispered, feeling defeated under such pressure. By staying he would, the way he saw it, prove that he cares. A whole lot. But Adam turned the tables on him.

"Please..." Adam pleaded, "I need my shelter in one piece at work to keep my sanity... And sadly, you are just trying to destroy it."

Sauli curled his hands into fists and watched as Adam walked to the corner of the room and splashed some cold water on his face.

He saw Adam look at him through the mirror.

"Then why did you want me to get you out of here? To say all this? To bash me? To make me feel bad for hurting you against my will? Against my knowledge?"

"Because I was breaking down" Adam said, drying his face to a small towel on the edge of the sink, "And I knew you would care. I will get back there now though."

Sauli wanted to pin Adam against the wall and tell him all the compliments he could figure out, tell him how all his dreams about a better life could be true.

Just to crack his stubborn mind. But at the same time, he didn't want to cause any damage, or be a reason for Adam's pain. Ever.

Sauli didn't say anything when he walked away. He couldn't bear it.

When he was out from the chambers, he saw a man waiting to get inside Adam's room. He glanced at Sauli with a disgusting expression.

"You're new here. But I heard him wail, so you must have done something right."

Sauli imagined the guy could see steam come out of his ears after what he had said.

"What kind of a sick bastard are you?" Sauli nearly exploded, his jaw tensed and his hands clenched into fists. He was almost ready to punch the guy's lights out.

"Not worse than you."

"You're awfully wrong about that." Sauli hissed, walking away before he could do something he might regret later.

But he couldn't stop thinking of all the things that guy could do to Adam. Especially after the words he said to Sauli.

♥♥♥ 

The next day Adam was back at work, more sore than usual, though. An encounter with a sadist really wasn't the brightest thing, especially when you have to pretend you enjoy it.

Thankfully, there were some men who seemed genuinely happy to themselves without causing him any pain.

During the night, Adam found himself splayed out on the table, shirt shoved high beneath his chest. Some guys enjoyed their cocaine from his stomach, which Adam found totally creepy.

That usually ended up with someone licking his stomach and desperately trying to get to blow him. Yeah, so not working.

Adam was pressed, or should he say _squished_ , against a wall, his legs wrapped around a very muscular, big man. When the guy moved to kiss his neck, Adam's eyes fluttered open and he glanced around the club.

His stomach jumped when he saw Sauli. What the actual fuck was he doing here again? Adam very clearly told him to back the fuck off.

"Let me down." Adam hissed, starting to squirm. His company, apparently, wasn't on the same page with him, "Let go!"

He let go, almost dropping Adam on his ass. Adam managed to grab onto the guy's shoulders, though, to steady himself, and then he walked away.

Sauli was looking way too cocky for his liking. Adam sat on the table of Sauli's booth and stared at him with piercing eyes.

"What are you doing here?"

"Didn't see a _'Sauli Koskinen is prohibited to enter'_ sign outside, so I guess I'm having a drink here." Sauli snapped, and Adam clenched his jaw in annoyance.

"Well, I don't want to see you here." He said, hitting his fist against the table.

"Easy there, tiger" Sauli hissed, "I don't need your permission."

Adam huffed, getting down from the table and stomping away. He can't deal with seeing Sauli here, mostly because he makes him feel vulnerable and weak, which is not damn okay in this job.

Sauli saw Adam go to the chambers, so he gulped the rest of his drink down and followed him. He's so close to Adam's core he's not going to give up. Adam must see himself like Sauli sees him.

Sauli paid to the bouncer and entered Adam's room.

"Oh." Adam said when he saw Sauli, "I really don't get what you want."

"I want you to stop all this." Sauli whispered, walking closer to the bed and sitting down next to Adam, "I hate seeing you like this. I hate it more and more every day."

Adam slowly blinked, focusing his eyes on the floor instead of Sauli and his beautiful eyes.

"Why?"

"Because I... " Sauli started, but stopped almost like he slammed into a brick wall. _Say it. Please say it and mean it_. Adam's mind was begging.

"Because I lo-" Sauli stopped again, "Like you. A lot. And I care about you too much to watch you destroy yourself."

Adam sighed. He wished that what Sauli said was enough for him to just stop, but it wasn't. Even if it was, Adam's grown to this.

"I've already destroyed myself, Sauli. I'm way past the point of turning back." Adam whispered, sounding exhausted as he lay down on his bed. Sauli followed him to the lying position and faced him.

Sauli stroked his cheek and Adam's eyes fluttered closed. He was receiving a very gentle, caring touch, and it was all new.

"You're beautiful." Sauli whispered, "But what's this?" He asked, touching the side of Adam's face when he saw a few red marks on his cheek.

Adam pushed his hand slowly away and gave him a look.

"Some people like to fuck me against the wall, and then they get so eager they forget that I might want to move my head." He said, "'s fine."

Sauli sighed. He wondered what sort of things Adam has to endure every night just to please people who don't give a flying fuck about him.

"Don't you ever wish that you could have sex with someone who cares about you?" Sauli asked, but his question seemed to be pointless since Adam laughed.

"Oh, please. I'm already branded as a whore. I feel sorry for the one that thinks he could love me."

Sauli wanted to say something about that, but chose to keep his mouth shut. He was too afraid to admit anything.

"You are a good person, though." He whispered, "I like you as you. But I still do wish that you would find yourself another job."

Adam gave a sympathetic look at Sauli. Mostly because Sauli thinks he's as innocent as a puppy. He refuses to believe the reality Adam lives.

"I don't-" Adam was muted by a sudden kiss Sauli gave him. His hand made its way back on Adam's cheek and his lips moved smoothly against Adam's.

Adam wasn't sure what he should think. He wanted Sauli to kiss him, but the last thing he wished is that Sauli would objectify him like everybody else.

Sauli's kiss was nothing like the kisses he gets on daily basis. It was more gentle, no teeth involved. It wasn't disgustingly wet and messy.

Sauli pulled away and pressed his forehead against Adam's.

"I..."

"Shh," Sauli hushed, his finger pressed against Adam's lips, "Don't think. Just feel."

Adam closed his eyes and licked his lips. He felt safe, even though he had been kissed by Sauli.

"Is that what a real kiss should feel like?" Adam asked quietly.

"What does it feel like?" Sauli asked, whispering, and nosed Adam's cheek. His heart was beating like crazy, not sure if he had done the right thing by kissing Adam.

"Warm, moist, sweet... Lovely. And safe."

Adam felt Sauli breathe against his face, and it was one of the best physical feelings he had ever felt.

"Don't stop..." He said.

Sauli pulled Adam's head close and pecked him on the lips very briefly. He was there, and he had paid for it, and he doesn't want Adam's kisses to be prizes he gets with money.

"It's okay. We'll have time for this. Somewhere nowhere near this building."

Well, that sounds almost too good to be true.

♥♥♥ 

Seeing Adam every night became more than just a habit. It ate all of Sauli's money, so he had to figure out a way to see Adam when he really can't afford seeing him like this anymore.

He went for the club like normal, but something wasn't right.

Adam wasn't anywhere in sight. And it made Sauli's stomach churn because he just _knew_ what that meant. Adam always works, no matter how roughly he's been treated.

So this must be really bad. Something has happened and it made Sauli sick to even think of the possibilities.

Sauli rushed to the backrooms and straight to the door of Adam's chamber.

"I want to have a private act" Sauli said, pushing all of his bills into the bouncer's hands. He nodded and opened the door, stepping inside himself as well.

Sauli heard Adam say a quiet 'no' the second the door was opened and he was told he has a taker.

"I told you... I can't take anyone tonight..."

His voice was so small and quiet. Sauli peeked inside the room and clenched his teeth so hard they almost crunched when he saw the bouncer grab Adam's hair and pull his head up from the pillow.

Adam flinched.

"When a customer pays, he gets what he wants! You do it, or you fucking cry and do it!" He hissed, yanking on Adam's dark brown hair, "You understand that?!"

Adam nodded frantically, not able to hold back the tears he's been swallowing for years.

"Answer me!"

"Y-yes..."

Adam's face was slightly bruised. The bouncer let go of him and left the room. Sauli nearly punched his lights out when he passed.

He rushed to Adam's side the second the door was closed. He was already working the buttons of his shirt open with shaking fingers, and that was enough to tell he was nowhere in this world since he couldn't even tell it was Sauli.

"I'm sorry, I'm a little emotional..." Adam sniffled quietly, "But I can still work."

"Adam." Sauli whispered, cupping his face between his gentle palms, "Stop. It's just me. I'm not here to use you."

Adam's eyes were teary and lost as he gazed back into Sauli's eyes. His other cheek was slightly swollen, and Sauli could tell he has tried to hide the redness with makeup.

"What the hell did they do to you?" Sauli asked, feeling a lump ludge in his own throat as well. Adam didn't say anything, just blinked more tears.

Sauli has never seen him cry. Not even a little. And to see him like that, hurt both physically and emotionally, broke Sauli's heart.

"Can you hold me?" Adam whispered, his voice breaking.

Sauli gently pulled him into his embrace, not knowing how bad he had been hurt. He rocked him gently back and forth.

"Adam... what did they do?" Sauli asked again, his lips pressed against the top of Adam's head. His hair smelled so good, like coffee and vanilla.

Adam just shook his head and clutched Sauli's shirt.

"I can't leave you here like this... Do you have contracts? Anything that stops you from just leaving?" Sauli asked.

"Myself" Adam choked out, "This is what I am. Just... Don't go yet."

Sauli squeezed Adam tighter against his chest, almost too tight since Adam gasped for breath, but he just wanted to protect him. Give him shelter.

"I might not be very alive emotionally, but I'm very alive physically and my respiratory system needs to work." Adam said, gently tapping Sauli's arm to get him loosen his hold.

Sauli apologized and loosened his grip.

"Leave with me? Please. I am not going anywhere unless you do too."

"I have no reason to leave. I have no one out there to even help me get on my own feet." Adam whispered.

Sauli decided now. He will never get Adam out of the hole he has dug himself into, unless he confesses something very important.

"You have me." Sauli said quietly, but firmly, gingerly pushing Adam further away from his chest so he could cup his face, "I can promise you that."

"You don't understand." Adam said, shaking his head sadly and trying to get away, but Sauli wouldn't let him. Sauli just can't see the world through his eyes, and he can't understand what's going around in Adam's head.

"Maybe not." Sauli admitted, staring into Adam's eyes, "Adam I... I have fallen in love with you, and I can't let you go through something like this, I just..."

"What?" Adam asked, his mouth falling open like he was paralyzed, "What did you...?"

Sauli pushed his lips against Adam's. He was squeezing Adam's face so Adam couldn't kiss back properly, but that didn't matter. The action in itself spoke louder.

"I love you." Sauli repeated, "So, please. Leave with me."

"You love... Me?" Adam asked. He couldn't believe what he just heard, and it made him think he had hit his head harder than he thought last night.

Sauli nodded, "I do."

Adam started crying harder again. Sauli just gathered him close and stroked his back soothingly.

"Let's get you out of here, Adam. Please." Sauli pleaded once more, "I'm begging you. I can show you what life can be at its best."

♥♥♥

Adam looked wasted. His lips were swollen and abused, his makeup smudged, and he wobbled unsteadily every time he walked. Or attempted to walk, anyway.

He was beyond tipsy, not completely smashed, but most definately wasted. Anyone could take advantage of him right now because he probably didn't even know what was happening around him. Current state: sprawled out against a large man, delicately wiggling his ass against the man’s crotch.

Sauli sighed and got up, pulling Adam off the man's lap.

"Hey! Would you please wait for your turn?!" The man huffed, looking rather flustered and about ready to explode.

"No. I'm paying for a private act." Sauli insisted, pulling Adam through the crowd and to his chamber. He knew that place almost too well by now.

"Thank you for getting me out of there." Adam smiled, crawling on his bed and hugging his pillow. Unlike minutes ago, he looked very sober now.

Sauli's eyebrows shot to his hairline.

"What? I'm not drunk or high. Just playing." Adam said, "I forget about my situation if I just fool around."

Sauli wasn't alright. Adam could see it from his eyes, even though Sauli did his best to pretend that everything was fine. But more and more he was starting to doubt if Adam was ever going to change.

He wants him to. He’d like to date him like normal people do, instead of trying to keep him away from harm by spending all his money on the so called ‘private acts’.

"I heard people talking there... About you. About why you work here." Sauli said, turning to face Adam, "Is it true? That they've bought you?"

Adam shook his head as no.

"No. I simply needed the money. It was supposed to be just one or two times, but I got addicted. I’m a whore, not a slave. I’d be free to go if I wanted, but I don’t to."

Adam sat up, placing the pillow on his lap then leaning his elbows on it. He could tell Sauli his story, but he wasn't completely sure if he would be staying after that.

"When I had my first intercourse for money, I was still a virgin. I didn't know what to do, or how to be. It was with the owner of the club. He just doesn't want anyone to know he bought my services."

Sauli nodded, taking Adam's hand into his. Adam looked at him beneath his lashes then sighed heavily.

"I was fifteen, Sauli. _Fifteen_. Smart enough to know how things worked, but stupid enough to think I could do it without hurting my psyche forever. I was expecting kisses and touches, but all I got was bruises and pain. After the first time I... I did it again. I guess I just didn't learn that first time."

"You don't have to talk about this." Sauli amended when he saw Adam was clearly struggling with every word that came out of his mouth.

"No, it's fine. I, uhm... I got booked here. And I don't exactly get why my services got so popular. I’ve been told I have a pretty mouth for sucking, and an ample ass with a tight hole for fucking. Anyway, when I was 17 I was already labeled a professional whore."

Adam took a deep breath, swallowing every shred of anxiety he was feeling.

"When I was 18, I... I felt like I was trapped. And I tried to commit suicide. It didn't go according to plan, as you can probably see."

Adam chuckled. And it was the most broken sound Sauli ever heard. The words wrenched his heart.

"You were crying for help or…?"

"No." Adam whispered, "You cry for help when you truly believe that there is someone for you to cry for. But for me... There was no one. Simply no one who would have offered that help or even asked if I was okay." He continued, his vision blurring with tears, "No one who would have cared... Or noticed if I was gone."

Adam yanked his hand out of Sauli’s hold and tried to cover himself so that the tears that were threatening to fall wouldn't be seen.

"Hey... come here." Sauli urged, pulling Adam into his chest, "I didn't know you've had it rough for so long."

Adam clutched Sauli's shirt, "Longer than you can think."

"I'm going to plead you once more; Come with me and leave this place." Sauli whispered, a lock of Adam's hair between his fingers. The touch was so good it nearly killed him, and he sighed.

The locks were soft and feathery as silk, whick made Sauli frown. Adam didn't use hairspray or any other product. His hair was always thick with them.

"I'm getting tired..." Adam admitted, "But I could never live a normal life. No matter how badly I want to."

Adam felt the arms around him loosen. Sauli let go of him and got up, leaving Adam to stare at him with big eyes.

"Of course, not when you refuse to admit that you were wrong. That you _are_ wrong." Sauli pressured, "You are not allowing yourself to be happy."

"What?" Adam frowned, "I would if I could."

Sauli sighed, rubbing his temples. How can he make this man understand what's best for him? He's the most stubborn soul he has ever met.

"You can." Sauli pressured, kneeling before Adam and stroking his knee, "Adam, you... You got to admit that you are wrong. Things get so much easier if you stop fighting back."

"You want me to give up? On what?" Adam frowned, shaking his head. He didn't understand where Sauli was heading with all this. If he wanted to talk, he should just say it outright.

"No, not give up. Forgive, Adam."

"Forgive? Forgive who?"

"Yourself." Sauli whispered, pushing himself up, "Only if you forgive yourself, you can move on. Everybody makes mistakes. And yours is definitely worth forgiving."

Adam watched Sauli as he walked around the room, rubbing his chin like he was contemplating something.

"Forgive yourself, Adam. And tell me when you've done that."

"Why do you look like you're leaving?" Adam asked, his body locking up in fear. The thing he is most afraid of is Sauli walking away, leaving him like everybody else had.

He’s the only thing that kept him going. It's like he came just in time.

Sauli glanced at Adam, giving him a sad look.

"I thought you cared." Adam said, so quiet that Sauli almost didn't hear him.

"Of course I..."

"I thought you cared." Adam repeated, pushing himself up to pace back and forth across the room, "How could I be so blind? What is it that you want so bad that you wanted to wait this long, huh?"

Adam kicked a table near the play supplies, and Sauli took a step backwards, gulping. He didn't think Adam would hurt him, but he's a little unstable right now, so you can never know.

"Trust me, I can do anything. You wouldn't have to make much effort." Adam huffed in bitter laughter, "You want to spank me? Humiliate me?"

"No, I..."

"What is it that you want from me?!" Adam shouted, falling on the floor and crying helplessly, "Why are you doing this to me?!"

Sauli couldn't answer, because he didn't even know. He never meant to hurt Adam, no, that was the last thing he ever wanted, but he just keeps doing it anyway, it seems.

"And to think I was fool enough to fall in love with you." Adam mumbled, hugging his knees.

"What?" Sauli gasped, "I thought you..."

"What's this shouting?"

Adam jerked at the sound of his bouncer's voice. He looked up at the man, knowing that his misrable eyes wouldn't even faze him. As much as he hated to admit, he had tried it endlessly, but it got him nowhere. The man was a real psychopath, who didn't even flinch when Adam squirmed in pain right before his eyes.

Sauli gulped.

"Is he trying to get more than he has paid for?"

"Oh, so now you _care_. Adam huffed, "How touching."

"I only care about the money we receive, not about you, or your filthy, little fuck hole. I'm pretty sure he doesn't, either." The bouncer said, nodding towards Sauli, "I just want to make sure you get the right payment."

Sauli clenched his hands into fists. It took everything in him not to bash the guy's brains in and rip his balls off. That’s how mad he was.

"Have him dry, make him bleed, I don't care." He said to Sauli, "But pay first."

"You're wrong." Sauli said calmly.

Adam slowly lifted his head, eyes wide in horror. Sauli might be strong, but not as strong as his bouncer. Not even close.

"Pardon me?"

"I care. And I care a lot." Sauli admitted, his voice a low, dangerous tone. Adam squeezed his eyes shut and mentally cursed. The guy laughed darkly.

"You do, huh? Then you should have kept your mouth shut because affection isn't something we tolerate, here." He said, walking closer to Adam and bending down to loudly 'whisper' against his ear, "Right, sugarpants? I hope you haven't fallen for him."

Adam shivered, keeping his eyes down. The loud smack echoed in the room. Adam didn’t flinch, just turned his head.

"How tragic. Do you honestly think that someone would ever lay a hand on you and your filthy body if you weren't so willingly giving them your ass? You're just a worthless whore. I thought we've accomplished that, already."

"Don't you worry about my filthy body a second because I quit." Adam said, rising to his feet. He knew he was free to go, has always been, but never had enough courage to do it.

Sauli's eyes shined.

"Do you, now?" The bouncer asked, knowing there was nothing he could do, "You know where to find us _when _your 'relationship' fails."__

__"Don't worry about that, because I'm not coming back. And if it fails, I won’t be anywhere." Adam said, then looked at Sauli, "Take me out of here before I change my mind."_ _

____

♥♥♥

"You can sleep in my bed, I'll take the couch." Sauli said when he came out of his bedroom. Adam has been really quiet since they arrived to his apartment, but it was understandable.

Showered and clothed, Adam just sat on the couch, knees hugged to his chest. Sauli gave him a cup of tea, but he was still just sitting there.

"Thanks." Adam smiled, holding his tea cup, "But you can keep your bed. I'll be fine."

Sauli sighed, sitting next to Adam on the couch, "I insist."

Adam forced another smile, but avoided eye contact. Sauli gave him a pair of sweats that fit just so, and a loose sweater, gave him food and a roof over his head.

Still, he didn't feel that happy. He was scared. Scared of many things.

"Are you alright?" Sauli asked softly.

Adam sighed, "Yeah, just tired."

Sauli nodded slowly, "Do you want me to leave you alone?"

Adam shook his head. The last thing he wants right now is for Sauli to leave him alone.

Adam put his empty cup on the floor and turned his back to Sauli. He didn't say anything, just pulled the hem of his shirt higher up and revealed his back.

Sauli's breath hitched. He knew Adam had it bad, but he didn't expect this; Purple and bluish bruising, broken skin and scars covered almost the entire of his back.

"Adam, I'm... I'm so sorry." He whispered, covering his mouth in shock. He slowly dropped his hands and brushed his fingers over an angry red bruise near Adam's armpit.

Adam swallowed when he felt Sauli's fingers on his tender skin. He squeezed his eyes shut when a flashback sneaked into his mind and he could hear his own wails of pain.

He turned around, facing Sauli now. He moved his hands so he was now revealing his abdomen, looking just as bruised as his back.

"Just thought you might want to know what you brought into your home..." Adam said quietly, letting go of the hem of his shirt, "It's not all but... It doesn't matter."

"Yes, it does." Sauli whispered, "What did they do to you?"

Adam shook his head and bit his thumb nail, staring at the floor.

"Adam, you can tell me. You might have internal injuries that need to be tended to."

"You don't want to know..." Adam insisted, "So don't make me lie..."

Sauli didn't need to know every detail. Adam was just protecting him from all that information because he knew he didn't want to hear it.

Sauli sighed and let it go. If Adam didn't want to talk, he couldn't make him. He has already learned that.

"Tell me if you need anything." Sauli whispered, pressing a firm kiss on Adam's temple.

Adam nodded, "I'm going to bed." he said as he got up and made his way to Sauli's bedroom.

He closed the door and leaned against it. He felt more anxious about this whole thing than he had anticipated. He would rather be doing something he knows he does well.

But as his mind drifted to that, it went somewhere even darker. Though he had always been treated like a ragdoll, the incident a few days ago was something else.

He could hear the yelling in his ears, and feel his skin tear due to the harsh contact with the asphalt.

Adam jerked when Sauli knocked on the door.

"Adam? You sure you’re okay?"

"I'm fine." Adam replied, "I'm just tired, like I said."

"I noticed you might have broken ribs, please let me help you."

Adam sighed, "I can manage on my own, thanks."

"At least let me check. Please."

Adam closed his eyes, exhaling. Maybe he should have kept his bruises hidden so Sauli wouldn't fuss over them.

Adam opened the door and let Sauli in.

"Sit." Sauli said, more like commanded, "Now."

As Adam was used to being talked to like that, he did as Sauli told him to and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Take your shirt off."

Adam glanced up, a little unsurely, but obeyed. He tossed the shirt on the bed and crossed his arms, like he was trying to protect himself.

Sauli sat next to him and gave him a gentle smile.

"Grab my shoulder. You have to keep your arm out of the way, but I know you can't raise it high."

"I'm _fine_." Adam insisted, but put his hand on Sauli's shoulder when Sauli pressed a packet of ice to his bruised ribs.

"Sure you are." Sauli smiled, "But it's okay to admit that you're hurting."

"I'm not."

Sauli sighed, “Look at yourself, Adam. You’re covered in bruises, and there is no way in hell you're not hurting.”

“I’m fine.”

"Aren't you the most stubborn person ever." Sauli grinned.

Adam chucked softly, letting his head drop to the crook of Sauli's neck. Sauli moved the ice to a different spot, making Adam hiss and slightly jerk away.

“Didn’t hurt?”

“Nuh-uh."

♥♥♥

Sauli knew it would not be easy. But he didn't imagine Adam would, in any way, 'relapse' so soon.

When his back was mostly healed, Sauli came home from a store just to find him gone.

He had a pretty good guess where to look for him. And sadly, he was right. Adam wouldn't go back to the club, but he would go near the place.

Sauli saw him in the alley, being fucked against the wall. Seeing him in the act itself didn't feel so good. Sauli was angry, disappointed and jealous.

He left, trusting that Adam will return to his place when he was done.

And he did. He was back around 11 p.m.

"Where were you?" Sauli asked casually, like he didn't know the answer.

"Just out." Adam said, kicking his shoes off his feet. Adam was embarrassed of where he went, and why, and he didn't want Sauli to know about it.

Sauli noticed he felt un-easy so he let it go.

"Come here on the couch with me." Sauli said in a soft, reassuring voice and patted the mattress.

Adam walked to him and sat down. He didn’t want to get too close because he knew he smelled like sex and sweat right now, and he didn’t want Sauli to know anything about what he just did.

Sauli tipped Adam’s head toward him by his chin and leaned in to give him a soft kiss.

“I love you. You believe me, right?” Sauli asked, whispering, his thumb stroking Adam’s chin.

“I guess so."

Sauli bit his lip, wondering how he should talk about their situation. He knows Adam has a lot of feelings inside of him, mostly negative ones, and he should somehow get him to bleed it all out before it hurts him even more.

“And you said you have fallen for me too, is it true?”

Adam nodded, bit his lip, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to happen…”

“Shh.” Sauli hushed, pressing his fingers against Adam’s lips to silence him, “Don’t you dare apologize for that. But I want you to know that I would _never_ hurt you in any way. You believe me, right?”

Adam didn’t nod or shake his head. He’d be lying if he did either one because he didn’t know does he believe Sauli or not.

“I know you’ve been hurt by many people, emotionally and physically. But I’m not one of those people, I promise you that. You can talk to me about anything you want, and I promise you won’t get punished for it.” Sauli said softly and lowered his hand.

Adam nodded.

“I know what you did. I saw you. I just want you to know that I’m not mad at you... Even though I can’t quite understand you. But you make your own decisions.”

With those words, Sauli left the living room and went into his bedroom. Adam insisted he has his bed back, though he protested and said he can sleep there if he wants to.

After Adam showered and scrubbed the nasty feeling off his skin, he put on a fresh pair of sweats and pulled a tank top over his head. He was brave enough to get his things from the club's apartment a few days ago, so he has his own clothes, now.

He might need to dispose the sparkly shirts, leather pants etc, because they remind him of his services too much.

The door to Sauli’s bedroom was open, and Adam stood there like a total creep for about 5 minutes. Sauli looked so peaceful and beautiful.

“Sauli?” He called out quietly.

“Hm?”

“Can I sleep with you?”

Sauli raised his head from the pillow and looked at him.

“I-isn’t that… Isn’t that what couples do?”

Sauli nodded. Yes, that’s what they usually do.

“Come here, then.”

Adam made his way on the bed and crawled under the covers when Sauli raised them for him. It was dim, Adam couldn't see properly, but he knew he could feel. And that was enough.

"Hold me." Adam whispered.

Sauli moved closer, pressing Adam's head against his chest and stroking his hair soothingly.

"You know you got to break me, right?"

"What?" Sauli frowned, confused by Adam's words.

"I've grown to be cocky, selfish and harsh because I needed to protect myself. I'm full of untold memories that tear my heart... I _need_ you to break it all out of me."

♥♥♥

Adam was acting like a normal depressed person. But was the depression mild, moderate or severe... Sauli didn't know. Adam doesn't talk that much, mostly lost in his thoughts.

Which is understandable, of course. But Sauli wanted to help him. He wanted to help him, but he had no idea how he could. Because asking Adam if he wanted to talk just wasn't working.

Adam was sitting on the windowsill, pulling and letting go of the tassel of the window blind, causing it to snap against the window. The sound was driving Sauli crazy, but he didn't have the heart to ask Adam to stop.

"You're worrying me, you know." Sauli said softly from where he lay on his bed, "It's 2 a.m."

"I can go somewhere else." Adam offered.

"That's not what I meant." Sauli whispered, "You haven't spoken more than 5 words today. You barely eat, and you just keep staring into nothing."

Adam stopped playing with the tassel and hugged his knees instead. Great, he's annoying Sauli now.

"Adam, please. You've acted strong long enough, you can stop it."

"I haven't acted, I've been." Adam said, his voice muffled against his knees, "It's my only option."

Sauli fidgeted. He's no psychologist, he can't possibly find the right things to say. He will probably end up saying something wrong. Which only makes him human, of course, but it could make things worse with Adam.

"It doesn't have to be an option anymore." Sauli said, "I'm here. I can be strong for you."

"No, you can't." Adam cut him off, shaking his head, "Because you, or anyone else either, just can't understand."

Sauli stayed patient. He had to.

"Maybe not. Because you are not giving me a chance."

Adam huffed, "I fall asleep for 20 minutes and then I wake up, hearing my own screaming and I don't dare fall asleep again. Can you possibly understand that?"

Sauli sighed, shaking his head. Adam got down from the window sill and approached Sauli, slowly but surely.

"Can you understand what it feels like to wake up to you squeezing your own thighs so hard they bleed? I have so much anger inside me and it has nowhere else to go than myself. I subconsciously hurt myself."

Sauli gulped, not really meaning to back farther away when Adam reached the end of the bed. He was a little afraid, to be honest.

"I don't feel the joy you feel when you wake up in the middle of the night and glance at the clock to see you have three more hours to sleep. I feel scared because I have to sleep more and face the nightmares all over again." Adam explained, his voice so calm it was scary.

"Everytime you lay your hand on my body... I remember all those freaky, gropy hands that violated me and destroyed my vision of a human touch."

Sauli was staring at the mattress.

"I have cried three times in 7 years." Adam reminded, "Once after my first act, and twice because of you. I have so many un-shed tears inside of me, it's a wonder I haven't choked on them."

Sauli wasn't even close to Adam's core. The brick wall protecting it has a small spider-web crack in it, but that's it. Sauli knew he had to get it all out of Adam before the preassure of it all destorys him.

"You could have anyone," Adam said with a bitter chuckle, "You could have anyone you would ever want. And you chose me; a whore that's diseased in so many ways. I have nothing to give to you."

Sauli imagined he could see a tear clinging to the corner of Adam's eye, but when Adam blinked, it was gone. He now knows he's Adam's weakspot. The second Adam mentioned him, another crack made its way through the wall.

Sauli was probably going to hate himself later for doing something like this, but it had to be done. For Adam's sake.

"I know I could," Sauli said, "I could have someone with a proper career, wonderful social skills, contagious laughter... All the things that I really adore."

Adam was already breathing faster, and Sauli just started.

"Yet, I chose you. An anti-social prostitute who doesn't even let me touch him."

"I'm sorry," Adam whispered and hung his head. He was fidgeting, his fingers seeking for anything to touch. Sauli already hated himself for this.

"Just the thought of me leaving you sets your heart on a panic field." Sauli whispered, "Still, you don't want to share your vulnerabilities with me. Or talk, or touch, or let me see your body, even though we agreed to be a couple."

"Because I care what you think of me." Adam snapped, holding his chest as he panted, "And I know you'd hate what you see."

"How do you know I don't already do?"

Adam gasped, like he had just broken up from under the water and desperately needed oxygen. Sauli wasn't sure was he hyperventilating or having an anxiety attack.

"I can't breathe." Adam panted, nearly collapsing on the bed and holding his chest over his heart, "Why are you..."

"I'm the only person who matters, right?" Sauli pressured, "You would have nothing if I walked away. You would be alone, more lonely than before. You would have no one who would listen."

Adam squeezed his eyes, his frantic pants so loud it sounded like he was suffocating. So it was panic. Indescribable fear.

Adam opened his eyes, blinking a few times, and Sauli couldn't believe he saw the tears pool out of his eyes. His pants winded down the second he started crying.

"Stop..." Adam whispered, hugging his body like he wanted to hold himself together physically while he shattered mentally.

"Why?" Sauli asked, crawling closer to Adam's trembling body, "Why?"

"Just stop it... Please..." Adam whimpered, swaying himself a little. Sauli was too close to stop now, though he wanted nothing more than to comfort Adam and tell him that he was lying.

"Why?" He repeated.

"I don't-"

"Why!" Sauli almost yelled, loud enough for the neighbors to hear him.

"Because it hurts!" Adam screamed, looking at Sauli through wet lashes, "It hurts..." He repeated, his voice broken and his tears thickening.

"Why does it hurt you?" Sauli asked, stroking Adam's cheek and trying to keep his own voice firm, "Why? Who did this to you? Who are you mad at?"

Adam shook his head frantically, holding onto the last shreds of his strength. If he lets go, it would be over. Everything he has ever tried to keep inside to protect himself would be gone.

"My family, my ex... Everyone."

"Why?" Sauli pressured.

"My father needed money because he needed to pay for mom's treatments!" Adam screamed, yanking out of Sauli's hold and hanging his head, panting again, "He arranged a date, said it was business deal or something. I believed him because I wanted mom to get better so bad."

Adam exhaled, wiping his eyes.

"This business man I met... He paid me eight-thousand dollars for two hours. And I let him take my virginity. After that I just... I got hooked. I gave the money to my dad and never mentioned anything to him. I just tried to be normal."

Sauli tried to touch, but Adam didn't let him. He just jerked away or raised his hands to stop Sauli getting any closer.

"So what you told me earlier was a lie? You didn't choose to do this?"

Adam nodded.

"I left home when I started dating. Or at least I thought we were dating. Turned out that he just wanted workers for his new club. First it was a threesome, then me and someone else but he was watching. Then he stopped being there altogether and I knew that he had tricked me. He set up a price after he had 'approved' of me."

Sauli let it sink in, gripping on his own thigh to keep himself from touching Adam since he obviously didn't want to be touched.

"Why didn't you just leave?"

Adam shot him a glare.

"Again, one of those things you couldn't possibly imagine," He said, "I was being used. No one cared what was going on inside my head, as long as they had my body. At the beginning, I showered after every intercourse. I rubbed and scratched my body until I bled. But then I got tired and wound up lying on the mattress after the acts, staring blankly into space. I just didn't care anymore."

Adam huffed then. Like remembering all that was somehow amusing to him. Sauli listened, just looking at him.

"I got so many requests that my boss wanted me to remember where I belonged, so he branded me with a hot iron."

Adam reached down and pulled his sweats lower to reveal his right hip and upper thigh, where the mark was burnt.

After he noticed Sauli saw it, he pulled his sweats back up.

"Then I tried to commit suicide. The pills weren't enough to take my life, unfortunately. They would have been if I hadn't use three of them earlier for my ribs."

Sauli's chest tightened uncomfortably.

"Suddenly after that I got very comfortable with myself. I had no one out there, so I thought: why should I struggle when I could enjoy it even a little bit? I started spending time outside my chamber, in the main area of the club. I took two shots of whiskey every night to get in mood. The rest is history."

So that was what Adam had inside of him the whole time. No wonder he was struggling to protect it.

Before Sauli could even blink, Adam was crying again. This time covering his whole face like he was feeling the worst shame in the world.

"I let other people destroy my whole life," He sniveled, "I don't even want to live anymore."

"Hey, don't say that." Sauli whispered, reaching out to see if Adam wanted the contact or not. When he didn't jerk away, he pulled him close. He buried his nose in Adam's hair and stroked his back.

"I've missed so many things because of my own stupidity. I've never felt the affection of a friendship, or a real relationship."

"I'm your friend. And your real boyfriend, too," Sauli whispered, "Until you find more friends. But you can be sure as hell I won't let you find a new boyfriend."

Adam chuckled softly. Just hearing that small hint of laughter gave Sauli a little hope. He wanted to help Adam get past his misery.

"I can't ask you to be my boyfriend. I barely let you touch me, and I have no idea how to date." Adam mumbled, pulling away and looking Sauli in the eyes, "What's a good-night kiss? What's a morning kiss? What's a subconscious touch? Or even a sexual one with affection? I know nothing about all of that."

"Then we learn. Together. Okay?" Sauli asked, smiling and touching Adam's knee. Subconsciously.

Adam nodded.

Sauli leaned close and placed a gentle kiss on Adam's lips, "This can be a good-night kiss. Sleep now, love. I'll be right here with you."

Adam ended up sleeping with his head pillowed on Sauli's chest while Sauli lay awake. When Adam flinched awake, Sauli took his hand and kissed his fingers, reminding him that he was now safe.

♥♥♥ 

Adam tensed when he felt Sauli's hand on his waist when they were in the kitchen making dinner. Well, Sauli was making and Adam was watching.

Sauli had reached out to take something from Adam's other side so he just automatically held onto him.

"Sorry." Sauli said and pulled his hand away, "This is the subconscious touching."

"No, no," Adam rushed out, "It's okay, you don't have to stop. I was just surprised."

Sauli smiled, partly sad because Adam's vision of human touch was completely ruined by his ex-career. He was hoping he could change that.

"Well, I didn't mean for the touch to linger. It was just an automatic reaction." Sauli said, intending to let the subject go but couldn't, so he sighed. He took Adam's hands and held them as he spoke to him;

"I will never go any further with anything until you want me to. So if I touch you in anyway, it's just my way of saying that I am happy you're here and that you're important to me. There is nothing sexual in it until you want there to be."

Adam nodded. He felt like an inexperienced teenager who's nervous about a first relationship.

Adam was by no means inexperienced in sex but he was inexperienced when the sex came with a caring relationship. He didn't know how to be in one.

Sauli slid his arms around Adam's waist and hugged him. Adam laced his fingers behind Sauli's back and pressed his forehead against his shoulder.

"I'm acting like teenager."

Sauli stroked Adam's back soothingly.

"You have a past of an abused prostitute. I get that."

"Yeah, but-" Adam started, pulling away from the hug, but Sauli interrupted him.

"It's fine. Trust me."

"Listen to me," Adam snapped, cupping Sauli's face between his palms, "I still don't want you to treat me any differently. I'm not made of glass, and I'm pretty sure you can't cause me any more trauma than what I already have."

Sauli sighed, nodding. He's almost too caring when it comes to people who have or still suffer. Especially if it's emotional pain. Because that is almost always worse than any physical pain.

Emotional pain makes you want to end your life. And that was exactly what Adam had thought of.

"Treat me like a normal boyfriend, okay?" Adam asked, pressing their foreheads together, "I'll tell you if anything you do makes me uncomfortable."

"Are you even used to talking about what makes you uncomfortable?"

"No," Adam chuckled sadly, "I'm not good at talking when it comes to myself, in good or bad, but I use body language."

Sauli nodded as he stroked Adam's hips. The tenderness in Sauli's eyes was making Adam's stomach flutter.

Sudden sizzling coming from the stove pulled Sauli away from his thoughts.

"Oh fuck!" He cursed, jumping to pull the boiling pot off the stove.

Adam giggled, quickly covering it behind his hands. In that rush Sauli could have burnt himself so that wouldn't have been so giggle-worthy.

"Dinner's almost ready. Why don't you take a shower as you intended to and I'll get everything ready?"

Adam nodded.

♥♥♥ 

"What are you thinking?" Sauli asked later when they were lying on the bed. By now he learnt that Adam is not that talkative, but he could see that Adam was lost in his thoughts.

"What kind of person do you think I am?" Adam asked.

Sauli frowned at the question. Adam continued before Sauli could even answer his question.

"I mean, you don't really know me that well. You've only seen me once without any sort of... Shelter. And it wasn't that pretty."

Sauli lay on his side, supporting his head with his hand, and looked at Adam. He was utterly beautiful.

"I have a lifetime ahead to get to know you." He said and stroked a strand of hair off Adam's forehead.

"If you see it that way. But I just... I don't know if I even know myself. I've created this other persona for myself. I have no idea who I am as my very self. Without prostitution and everything that came with it. Or led to it."

He had been struggling to keep certain things to himself, so he has no idea what his own mind is hiding from him. He could have forgotten things, become un-aware of them.

"What kind of person do you think you are?" Sauli asked softly.

"Depressed, awkward, cynical."

"From the inside," Sauli pressured, "Think about it."

Adam sighed, closing his eyes to think.

"I want to believe that I'm nice to people. That I care, even though I often pretend and feel like I don't. Because the more I do the more I lose. And I'm afraid of losing anything from the little that I have left. So I just decide not to care about anything."

"You can't just choose not to care." Sauli frowned.

"Oh yes, you can." Adam smiled bitterly and glanced at Sauli, "You can close your mind off of it. Off everything you want. I just realized why should I care about something or someone that means _everything_ to me, but who I mean _nothing_ to?"

It was Sauli's turn to sigh.

"You're not protecting your heart by acting like you don't have one. And I know you care about me. I'm your weak spot." Sauli reminded gently.

"And I hate that." Adam hissed. He hates feeling dependant on someone. Fuck, he was almost crying again. He is more soft and sensitive than he rememered.

"Adam, baby." Sauli whispered, touching Adam's cheek affectionately, "You have a heart, so don't pretend you don't. I, or anyone else either, will never use it against you. It is safe for you to feel something good. And you can admit it to yourself. And me. It's a lot easier than struggling and fighting back when you know you will eventually lose."

Adam covered his face with his palms. He rubbed his tired eyes then slowly pulled away with a sigh.

Sauli is telling him all these wise things. Adam doesn't understand such views on life, because he never had time to experience or prove them.

"But these feelings I have towards you are making me want things I imagined I would never want again." Adam whispered, staring at the ceiling, and Sauli could only see the gleam of his eyes.

Sauli swallowed in anticipation.

"I don't want to get hurt," Adam said quietly, blinking to stop the thickening tears from falling, "But I just want you to kiss me, touch me and tell me that I'm important, that I'm beautiful and worth more than money could ever be. I want to be loved so bad it hurts." he continued, biting back the tears that threatened to fall and trying to swallow past the lump in his throat.

"You're all of these." Sauli said, turning Adam's face towards him by his chin, "You're all of these." he repeated, whispering.

Sauli didn't ask, he just gently pressed their lips together. Adam closed his eyes, chasing after the taste and feel of Sauli's lips.

It felt so different. Like what he imagined kissing would feel like but what he never got to experience.

His mouth was always ravished violently until his lips ached and almost bled.

But not now, not with Sauli. Sauli let his lips caress Adam's, slide across and over them smoothly and gently, making Adam sigh and automatically reach out to touch Sauli.

He touched the side of Sauli's neck, but when Sauli slowly pulled his leg over his hips, Adam put his hands on either side of Sauli's face.

Sauli stroked his hand up and down Adam's thigh before going for his side. He couldn't believe he was finally kissing and touching Adam.

He kept his hand on Adam's hip, his fingers just barely underneath the fabric of Adam's sleep top.

Sauli pulled away with a loud smooch and leaned lower to kiss his way down Adam's jawline to his ear. Adam sighed in bliss, his toes wiggling restlessly for some reason.

Sauli gave a tentative lick to Adam's earlobe and kissed the skin right beneath the ear.

"You okay?" He whispered.

The whisper itself was enough to make Adam shiver since it was tickling his ear.

"Yeah. Please don't stop." He replied softly.

Sauli kissed Adam's ear once more before going back to his mouth. Sauli spun them around, letting Adam lie on top of him.

"Don't... Don't give me the control. You have no idea how much anger I have inside of me, and you are the last person I want to take it out on."

Sauli sighed quietly, reaching up to stroke Adam's cheek.

"Honey... You won't hurt me. I trust you."

Adam nuzzled into Sauli's touch and closed his eyes.

"I know... But I don't trust myself."

"I won't let you hurt me. You might not have any self-respect but I do. And that's why I won't let you hurt me." Sauli said calmly and cupped Adam's face between his hands.

"I'm bigger than you." Adam mumbled.

"I'm stronger than you." Sauli reminded, "But neither of us has to hurt the other. Sex isn't about hurting or owning. Sex with someone you love is caring. And loving."

Adam wanted to look away so Sauli let him. Adam's eyes told him that the mood he had was now gone. And Sauli understands that.

"Let's sleep, okay? And think again tomorrow?" Sauli softly suggested. Adam nodded, rolling off.

He lay on the bed on his side, facing Sauli. Sauli laced their fingers together, just a small affectionate and soothing touch.

♥♥♥ 

Adam woke up when Sauli's fingers landed on his skin. He has learnt to be a light sleeper, every single sound and touch enough to wake him up.

Sauli was lying behind him, genlty tracing his fingers along Adam's arm. His hand went lower until he reached Adam's hand. He laced their fingers together.

A kiss was pressed against his shoulder, followed by a sigh.

"You feel so lovely..."

Sauli sounded so dreamy. He must have no idea that Adam was awake and hearing what he says.

Adam smiled, "You do, too."

Sauli tensed a little.

"You're awake?"

"No. Just talking in my sleep."

Sauli hummed in quiet laughter, squeezing Adam's hand.

"You're warm." Sauli whispered, lips against the side of Adam's neck. Adam swallowed nervously, turning around on his back to see Sauli.

Sauli mentally smacked himself. He shouldn't be thinking about kissing or touching Adam when Adam was barely recovered from his living nightmares.

Last night was proof that Adam can't go on. He's still stuck and it's going to take some effort to get him going again.

But when they're like this, close, Sauli can't help it. Adam's scent is intoxicating, his skin feels warm and soft under Sauli's hand and lips.

"I'm sorry... I shouldn't be-"

"No. It's okay. I get it." Adam said quietly, "I guess."

Sauli reached up and stroked Adam's cheek. That beautiful face that has been violated too often.

"Kiss me." Adam whispered, bringing his hand up behind Sauli's neck, pulling his face closer to his own.

Sauli propped himself on his side, arm thrown over Adam's body. Adam's breath tempted him closer and closer until he couldn't resist it anymore.

He pressed his mouth against Adam's slightly parted lips. His soft, delicate lips that felt perfectly moist when he kissed him.

Adam still held onto the back of Sauli's neck. He parted his lips willingly, letting Sauli savor his mouth. It felt oddly good again, to be honest.

Suddenly, he giggled. Sauli's hand had crept its way on his stomach, right beneath his navel. His thumb was rubbing on his belly button, making Adam's muscles jump.

Sauli smiled against Adam's lips.

"Stop." Adam chuckled, "That doesn't belong in the picture."

"Oh, really?" Sauli grinned, "Then what does? This?" He asked, gently scratching on the skin beneath his fingers.

"No." Adam giggled, curling a little on himself.

"Oh? This?" Sauli asked again with a wide grin, tickling the patch of skin beneath Adam's belly button and listening to his sweet laughter.

Adam shook his head. What Sauli was trying to tell is that touches can be good, happy. They can make you laugh, too.

"Well, you're being difficult." Sauli sighed jokingly, "What about this?" He asked, more quietly and sensual now, moving his palm on Adam's lower stomach.

Adam swallowed, his lips parting. Sauli moved his hand up his chest, adding some pressure with his touch.

He locked their lips back together and Adam went for it happily. He brought his hands up and cupped the sides of Sauli's neck, close to his jawbone.

Sauli moaned quietly, gently rubbed Adam's chest, feeling the soft dust of hairs Adam had let grow after leaving the club.

Kissing like this felt so soothing yet exciting. It was nothing like what Adam was used to, not so ravishing and violent. It was still more passionate and meaningful than ever.

Adam pulled away after a few minutes.

"Have you ever thought of having sex with me?" Adam asked.

Sauli bit his lip at first, contemplating whether he should be honest or not. But at the same time, he can't lie. He doesn't _want_ to lie.

"Yes." He whispered, "Does that make you feel uncomfortable?"

"No, not really." Adam said after a moment of thought, "It's not like I didn't know it. It is, after all, one of the primal needs any normal human being has... I mean, I've wanted to go to town on you since the very first time we met. If you happen to remember, I really tried to get you into my bed but you refused."

Sauli listened carefully. Last thing he wants is to misunderstand something and screw this whole thing up.

"Well, I didn't want it under such circumstances. And I'm pretty sure that you weren't that genuine about it either. You just needed the money and I pleased your eye more than the others."

Adam chuckled softly, feeling a blush rise on his cheeks in embarrassment. It already sounds worse than he ever felt it was. Receiving money for sex is just... Desperate. But Adam guessed he was exactly that. Not in desperate need of money, but desperate in general.

Miserable and lonely.

"What are you actually trying to tell me by all this?" Sauli asked then.

"That the want is mutual? I just... Don't know what to expect from you. I don't know how you would be different from all the others. Sex is sex. Someone is always being 'used'. And some people don't give a damn about mutual pleasure..." Adam sighed, frowning a little at just how black and white it all was, "Just about their own."

Sauli sighed, fixing his position a little because his arm was getting numb from supporting his weight.

"Sex is sex, yes. But it can be really different with different people."

"Yes, I've noticed that." Adam said matter-of-factly and smiled sarcastically, "I think I've been through everything."

"Oh, I believe that. But you haven't been with someone that cares about what you feel." Sauli said as he sat up, "Tell me when you're ready to find out how I'm different." he finished, leaving the bed and going into the bathroom.

Adam bit his lip. He hadn't really meant to insult or hurt Sauli. Maybe he shouldn't be so doubtful when it came to the blonde and his feelings towards him.

Truth be told, Adam really wants them to get physically intimate. It's a need that raised its curious head the second Adam felt Sauli's fingers on him, examining his bruises.

His touch was so gentle on his tender, abused skin.

Adam sighed.

♥♥♥ 

Sauli was messing with his laptop on the bed. He was wearing a tank top and sweats, just something relaxed he likes to wear after work.

Adam was looking at him from the windowsill. It's time. Either now or he might never have enough courage and vulnerability to ask for it.

Adam had taken a long shower, shaved his face and wore his most delicate cologne. He hopped down from the windowsill and crawled on the king-sized bed, pressing his lips against Sauli's ear.

"Show me... Show me how you're different." He whispered.

Sauli slowly turned his head, his eyes questioning, yet curious about Adam's words. Adam gave him a small smile, which was enough for him to shut off his laptop and place it aside.

"Are you sure?" He asked.

"Yeah," Adam nodded and bit his lip, "If you want? I know I do..."

Sauli rolled on top of Adam and lay between his parted legs. Adam swallowed nervously when he felt the pressure and weight of Sauli's body against him.

"I want to." Sauli whispered, taking Adam's hands and pressing them above his head, "So much."

Adam's wrists automatically twitched in the hold. He didn't like being trapped, it made him feel uncomfortable. Sauli noticed that and let his hands down.

"You can trust in me." Sauli whispered, flipping them around so that Adam was sprawled on top.

Adam knew that. He cupped Sauli's face and captured his lips with his, tugging and savoring the taste of them.

Sauli closed his eyes automatically, his hands coming up to rest on Adam's back. He was doing nothing but feeling him like that.

His hands were wandering on Adam's broad shoulders and back. Adam had a narrow waist and wide shoulders, making his shape very pleasant and masculine.

Adam gingerly pushed his tongue inside Sauli's mouth and Sauli opened willingly, his tongue joining the passionate kiss as well.

Adam let out a dreamy sigh, his body moving against Sauli's, seeking for friction.

Sauli pulled Adam closer to his own body by the small of his back, and Adam gasped as his hips moved almost on their own accord.

Sauli slipped his hands under the fabric of Adam's shirt and slid his hands higher up Adam's back, raising the hem of the shirt that way.

Adam's body was healed from all the bruises, only the scars of whip lashes remaining, but Sauli was still careful. Adam enjoyed it. He liked the feeling of Sauli's hands on his skin like this.

"Can you take it off?" Sauli asked.

Adam nodded and sat up. Sauli got up as well and pulled the shirt off when Adam raised his arms. He pressed a kiss to Adam's collarbone before lowering them back down o the bed.

"You look beautiful." Sauli sighed and locked their lips back together. Adam felt a wave of warmth go through his body. The way Sauli said that was so different from what he is used to.

Adam reached out behind himself and grasped Sauli's hands which were firmly holding his back, and slowly pushed them down to his ass. He pressed on Sauli's fingers and made him cup his cheeks.

Sauli let Adam's upper lip slip from his mouth, a questioning expression on his face.

"I can trust in you, right?" Adam asked on a whisper, "You won't hurt me."

"I will never hurt you." Sauli whispered, lovingly kneading the plump cheeks beneath his palms. Adam had a very nice butt and feeling it made Sauli's cock twitch.

"Oh," Adam chuckled when he felt it.

"Sorry. You are making me..."

"I know I am." Adam whispered with a small smile, "Don't think I wasn't expecting your body to react to touching and seeing me like this."

Sauli smiled, pulling Adam's plump lower lip between his lips.

He didn't get to feel Adam's ass much more or kiss him any longer before Adam straightened up on his knees.

He watched as Adam dropped his shaky hands to his own belt buckle, intending to un-buckle it and show what he was hiding there.

"Hey," Sauli whispered, reaching out to steady Adam's trembling hands, "Lay down?"

Adam swallowed nervously but nodded anyway. He let himself be laid down on the bed and didn't protest when Sauli unhooked his belt.

He was staring at Sauli's neck, feeling oddly embarrassed considering how many times he had done this before. He was suddenly feeling shy and vulnerable.

His pants came undone and after a short tease with fingertips inside his briefs, Sauli pushed his hand fully inside the open fly.

Adam clutched the sheets with his hands when Sauli rubbed his cock.

He relaxed, grip loosening, when Sauli tipped his head up and kissed him again with just as much tenderness and passion like a few seconds ago.

Sauli noticed Adam was only slightly hard but he sort of dared to expect it. Getting him fully in the mood might take more than just a few kisses.

"Baby..." Sauli murmured then, pulling his hand away and settling between Adam's legs. He kissed Adam's jaw, neck, chest, going lower with each kiss he pressed on Adam's skin.

"Wha... What are you doing?" Adam asked, watching as Sauli teased his belly button with the tip of his tongue, and oh... It actually felt kind of nice.

"I am going to suck your cock, if that's okay?"

"I can't let you do something so humiliating..." Adam frowned, "I've done it thousands of times and it's disgusting."

Sauli sighed. He nuzzled Adam's lower stomach and squeezed his thighs. How should he put it?

"Trust me, I wouldn't do it if it was humiliating or disgusting. It might have been humiliating to you before, but what if you did it with me would you still find it humiliating?"

"No..." Adam said, a small frown still etched on his face.

"And why is that?"

"Because I love you."

"Exactly." Sauli smiled sweetly, looking up at Adam's face where the frown slowly disappeared and was replaced with a small smile, "So can I?"

Adam nodded.

Sauli tugged on the waistband of Adam's pants, trying to push them lower. Adam raised his hips to ease the progress but it was still tricky to pull them down with how tight they were.

Pants off and discarded somewhere on the floor, Sauli settled down on the bed and gently nudged Adam's legs apart. He could see all the marks of violence on Adam's skin.

Sauli leaned closer, pressing tentative kisses on Adam's inner thigh. Adam shivered. Sure, he had been sucked off before, but it was nothing like this.

Sauli kissed his cock then nosed it through the fabric. It made Adam's toes curl in anticipation and arousal.

Sauli hooked his fingers in the elastics of Adam's black briefs and pulled them off his legs.

"Look at the size of that." Sauli murmured when his eyes landed on Adam's semi-hard cock, framed by trimmed pubic hair.

Adam chuckled, feeling his cheeks warm. It felt like a compliment, now. There was hunger hidden in Sauli's words, but it didn't make him feel uncomfortable.

He was more than just a well-equipped fuck now.

"You can relax, baby. I'll make you feel really good." Sauli reminded softly as he wrapped his fingers around the shaft of Adam's cock. He held it up and took the head into his mouth.

Adam frowned at first. It still felt a little wrong, somehow. He knows what it feels like to be bossed around in bed, and it sure felt like he was in the position to give the orders now.

He forgot all about it when Sauli sucked the head while stroking the rest of the shaft firmly and slowly.

"Oh." Adam whispered, the frown slowly fading away.

Sauli wanted to smile but held it back. He slowly took more of Adam's cock inside his mouth and then pulled back again. He repeated the movement, bobbing his head, lips tight around Adam's cock.

Adam felt the blood rush down instantly. His eyes fluttered closed and he grasped the sheets, fighting the urge to wound his hands into Sauli's hair.

Sauli cupped his balls with his free hand. He gently fondled them, rolling them between his fingers while he sucked.

Adam moaned quietly, his hips bucking off the bed. No one has ever paid such attention to his pleasure; they had only cared about their own. Whether Adam had an orgasm or not, they didn't care.

Sauli let Adam's length drop from his lips. He watched as it fell flat against his belly, lengthened and harder now. The head was flushed a pretty shade of pink.

He gave a long lick from Adam's balls to the tip of his cock. Adam's dick twitched when Sauli,s tongue went over the patch of skin on the underside of his cock, right under the crown.

Sauli teased that area with his fingertip while lowering his mouth on Adam's balls. He kissed both of them, gently sucking on them for a short moment. Just enough to make Adam's breath hitch.

Sauli smirked. He moved again, this time stopping by that sweet spot under the head. He flicked his tongue around the patch of skin, then sucked it very gently with his wet lips.

Adam moaned, his back arching off the bed. His knuckles were turning white because of the furious grip he had on the sheets.

Sauli pulled away.

"Do you want to bottom or top?" Sauli asked, stroking Adam's cock.

"What do you..."

"No. _You_ decide. Either one is fine for me." Sauli said.

Adam bit his lip. While he prefers the top, he wants to know if bottoming can be good too. With someone who cares if you're hurting or not.

"Uhm... Do you go like... dry or...?"

"No. Never. Lots of lube and proper preparation." Sauli smiled, letting go of Adam's cock and sitting up. Adam watched him strip off his shirt and pants, briefs along them.

Adam was awed by the sight. Sauli was in great shape, strong for sure, and his skin was beautifully tanned. Adam smiled, reaching out to touch Sauli's firm abs.

His cock was curved against his toned stomach.

Adam was feeling lustful. Genuinely.

"So... How do you want it?" Sauli asked again, but not impatiently. Just curiously.

"I trust in you. Would it sound really corny if I asked you to make love to me?" Adam asked, his voice so quiet.

Sauli didn't dare to smile too much. But then Adam started giggling and pulled Sauli down, feeling giddy when their naked bodies touched for the first time ever.

"I know it sounds corny, so don't answer." Adam grinned, "But yeah, that way. Yes?"

Sauli smiled widely, pecking Adam on the lips, "Yes."

Sauli reached out to grab the lube and a condom from the top drawer of his nightstand. He tossed them on the cushions and sat up.

Adam raised his legs, knees towards his shoulders, baring himself for Sauli. He was blushing again.

Sauli's cock twitched at the sight. Adam indeed had a very 'pretty' hole, though Sauli didn't say that out loud now. He spurted some lube on his fingers and pressed his forefinger against Adam's hole.

Adam's face changed again. He grimaced. Not at the touch, but at the sudden pictures and bad memories that flooded his mind and forbade him to feel anything good.

"You okay?"

Adam heard Sauli's voice from the haze. He nodded, mumbling something about being completely okay, just a little nervous.

Sauli used his other hand to stroke Adam's leg.

"This is an act of two, Adam. This is about both of us. You got to tell me if I do something that..."

"No." Adam said right away, "I'm just having a hard time shaking off all the bad memories from my mind... My mind and body are on alert, I can't help it..."

Sauli's facial expression softened even more, if it was even possible. How can anyone be so cruel to another human being? Sauli would be ready to punch each and every person who has ever hurt Adam in any way.

Adam was physically, but also mentally hurt. Sauli wondered if he would ever be able to trust anyone again when it came to sex.

"I'm not going to hit you." Sauli whispered, "Do you want me to continue or should we stop?"

"No." Adam insisted firmly, "I want this. But I'm very tense."

Sauli sighed, dropping his fingers from Adam's entrance. Okay, not the time for that yet. Adam needs something else first to distract him.

Sauli wiped the lube off his hand and gently pulled Adam's legs down. Adam gave him a questioning look and Sauli answered him with a gentle smile.

He got on his hands and knees, hovering over Adam's body. Leaning close, he latched his lips on the side of Adam's neck, gently sucking while moving his lips around the area to find the possible sweet spots.

Adam shuddered, his hands going up to hold on Sauli's narrow waist.

Sauli kissed the skin behind Adam's ear before gently nipping his earlobe. Adam gasped quietly, his hands lowering to Sauli's hips.

He trailed his lips along Adam's jawbone all the way to his chin then went lower, kissing his neck and collarbones until he reached Adam's nipples.

Sauli kissed both of them, waiting for them to get hard. He pinched and massaged the buds then sank lower, his tongue leaving a wet trail as he dragged it down Adam's body.

Adam had a few red marks right next to his belly button, "Where did you get these?" Sauli asked quietly, tracing his fingers over them.

"Uhm,,, You know the whole candle wax play thing? It went a little too far one time." Adam whispered.

Sauli frowned, stroking the marks, "So they're burns?"

Adam nodded. Sauli kissed them, making Adam smile.

"You're going to kiss all my scars?" He asked.

Sauli smiled as well, glancing into Adam's eyes. He would, and he could, but he had a feeling he didn't even know all of them yet. He'll discover them with time.

"I might do that some day. Would you be ready now?"

Adam nodded, spreading his legs some more. Sauli grabbed the lube and gave it a second try.

"Try to relax." He said.

Sauli prepared Adam slowly and gently. He had three fingers knuckle-deep inside him, and he was scissoring and stretching Adam's hole.

Sauli's fingers were constantly brushing against his prostate, and Adam couldn't keep quiet. He had had to learn to fake moans, but the ones pouring out of him now were real.

It felt so damn good, to be honest.

"And if I curl my fingers like this..." Sauli teased, his fingers moving inside of Adam and right against his prostate. Adam groaned, his hold on the headboard tightening.

His cock was so hard it hurt. Pleasure he has never gotten to feel before.

"I'm ready, baby... I can take it now." Adam stuttered, and Sauli pulled his fingers out. He asked Adam to keep himself open while he put on the condom and lubed his cock.

Adam obeyed and kept himself stretched wide open.

"You wanna ride me? That way you'd control the depth and pace." Sauli suggested while rubbing the slick lube on his rigidly hard cock. He was throbbing already, "But you can lay down, too. However you want it."

Adam nodded, liking the idea of riding a lot. He wanted to start with that, but they could switch positions a bit later.

Sauli laid on the bed on his back, holding his cock in place as Adam straddled his hips. Oh Gosh, this was actually happening. Sauli was going to have sex with the man he has been desiring and loving for months.

Having sex like this, emotionally bound, was new to Adam as well.

Adam lowered himself on Sauli's cock, slowly but surely. Sauli had imagined it would take longer for Adam to go all the way down, but it didn't. It really proved how freaking good he was.

He was so good it hurt Sauli's heart. Adam would do as his partner commanded, no matter if it hurt him.

Adam did flinch at the stretch when he was all the way down, so Sauli held onto his hips, his thumb stroking over the burn mark on Adam's hip.

"Take your time."

Adam took a deep breath, concentrating on relaxing his muscles. He exhaled when the pain faded and slowly started rolling his hips.

Sauli squeezed Adam's hips, biting back a groan. Adam felt so tight and hot around him like that.

Adam rocked his hips slowly, knowing exactly how to tease the other one. Sauli couldn't keep his moans in anymore, and, in Adam's opinion, he didn't have to.

Adam wanted to hear them. He wanted to know that Sauli was enjoying the ride.

Adam braced himself on his hands above Sauli, rotating his hips painfully slowly. He looked down at Sauli's face, scrunched up in pleasure.

Sauli's grip on Adam's hips tightened. Damn tease. He opened his eyes only to see Adam smirking at him right above his face.

"What? Should I go a bit faster?" He asked but changed his mind right away so he pressed his fingers on Sauli's lips, "Actually, don't say anything."

He straightened up and quickened his pace. His hips rolled faster now, and the sounds Sauli let out after that made him proud. He was doing that.

Sauli reached out to cup Adam's ass. He fondled the flesh, squeezing and pinching the fulness beneath his palms.

Adam smiled. For the first damn time he was enjoying himself while riding someone.

Sauli couldn't get enough. He had to touch Adam everywhere he was able to reach. He slid his hands on Adam's stomach and as high up his chest as he could from his position.

"I love it when you touch me." Adam whimpered, "Can we change position? I want to lay down."

"You don't have to." Sauli said gently.

"I know. But I _want_ to." Adam whispered and pulled away, falling on the bed on his back. Sauli didn't waste a second, he settled between Adam's legs and pushed his cock inside. It went in smoothly.

Adam pulled his knees back towards his shoulders and yanked Sauli down on his body by his shoulders. He wanted Sauli to kiss him while he thrusted into him.

Sauli got the hint and locked their lips. He sucked on Adam's plump, beautiful lips and started thrusting into the tight heat.

Adam hummed in pleasure, his hands roaming all over Sauli's back before he dropped them lower and squeezed Sauli's ass. It was a nice ass, he definitely wanted to have it some day.

Sauli went balls-deep inside Adam on every thrust, making Adam see stars every time his prostate was nudged.

"Oh God..." Adam groaned after he pulled away from the kiss, his fingertips digging in Sauli's skin, "Can it really feel this good?"

"Mm," Sauli hummed, nosing the side of Adam's face, "It absolutely can when it's done right."

Adam brought his hands up and cupped Sauli's face, forcing him to look at him while their hips still moved.

"Kiss me." He hissed. Sauli obeyed very willingly, pressing their lips back together.

Adam wrapped his legs tightly around Sauli's waist and raised his hips a bit, pressing his wet cock against Sauli's abs.

Sauli grabbed the headboard, his hips working furiously against Adam. Every shudder and moan Adam let out was a prize to him. It doubled his pleasure when he knew Adam was enjoying every second.

Sauli thrust deep. His body almost froze when Adam let out a sharp moan into their kiss. For a second he thought he had hurt him but Adam only squeezed his body tighter with his legs.

Sauli's tongue slipped into Adam's mouth and swirled around Adam's, causing them both to moan.

Sauli wanted to test Adam's boundaries a bit. He let go of the headboard and took Adam's hands, pinning them down above Adam's head.

Adam tensed at first, shivering against the grip. But then he remembered who he was with and immediatel relaxed, feeling a wave of lust go through his body.

Sauli pulled away from the kiss but kept their faces close. Adam opened his eyes when he felt Sauli's breath brush his lips.

Sauli's thrusts had slowed down. Adam broke out into a small smile. He had no idea should this moment be all quiet and serious or not, but he definitely felt like smiling.

Sauli chuckled, pressing their foreheads together. He started thrusting a bit faster again, their smiles slowly fading as the pleasure took over.

Sauli released Adam's hands.

He slipped his other hand between their bodies and wrapped his fingers around Adam's cock. Adam gasped, his hips bucking against Sauli's to thrust through the fist.

Sauli stroked him firmly, gently squeezing the tip on the upstrokes. He felt some pre-cum dribble on his fingers.

Adam moaned and grasped Sauli's hair. He was getting close. His orgasm was right there, burning somewhere in his lower stomach, ready to be released.

Sauli rubbed the tip of his cock with his thumb and Adam's body tensed. He wanted to kiss Sauli while he came, so he grabbed Sauli's face, bringing their lips forcefully together.

He moaned loudly, shooting between their bodies. His cum splattered high up his chest, some of it reaching Sauli's jaw.

"Oh, baby..." Sauli moaned as Adam's muscles contracted, his cock squeezed tightly inside of him. It tore his orgasm free too.

Sauli pulled his cock out though he wanted nothing but stay there. He tossed the condom and slumped back on top of Adam, the mess smearing between them, but neither of them cared.

Adam's legs fell open. He felt relaxed and tingly with happiness.

"Was I different?" Sauli asked, nuzzling Adam's cheek.

Adam smiled lazily, "Mm. Quite a bit."

Sauli chuckled, pecking Adam on the cheek then on the lips.

"I'll get a damp towel." He said and scooted off the bed, rushing to the bathroom to get a towel. He dampened it in the sink and returned to Adam.

He gently cleaned Adam's body then his own, throwing the towel on the floor when he was done. He had time to take it to the laundry later. Now he just wanted to cuddle with Adam and pay some loving attention to him.

Sauli snuggled in the pit of Adam's arm and threw his leg over his thighs. Adam sighed happily, holding Sauli close to him.

"How do you feel?" Sauli asked.

"Happy. For the first time in 10 years I feel happy."

♥EPILOGUE♥ 

**5 years later...**

Sauli had taken Adam to Finland during Christmas. He wanted Adam to meet his family and just generally learb about his culture.

The normal life felt far-fetched at first. Adam didn't believe it could be possible, but after six months of professional therapy, he started to believe in his own chances.

He has friends now, too. And Sauli. He found his mother and told her about his life. They keep in touch. Adam's father is nowhere in sight.

Things flew so naturally by now, Adam had discovered his sexuality again with Sauli.

They knew each other's bodies and minds. And what Adam adored more than anything was the mutual respect of boundaries.

And the subconscious touching? Adam learned it a few days after their first time having sex. It indeed was subconscious, so natural and affectionate.

And even the not-so-subconscious touches, such as pinches on the butt, became familiar on regular basis. Adam loved it.

Sauli would pinch his ass when he passed him while Adam was brushing his teeth. It wasn't objectifying, it was loving.

Helsinki from top of the roofs was beautiful. It was something Sauli wanted Adam to see when he was going to ask something very important.

They were cuddled under a fluffy blanket, leaning against a wall. They could see the city this way.

"We should start heading down. We can return to the hotel and tomorrow we head to my home town." Sauli said and tapped Adam's thigh.

"I still don't think they will like me. My past is..."

"Past." Sauli finished and gave an encouraging squeeze to Adam's thigh, "Past is past."

Adam nodded, pecking Sauli on the lips. Sauli has been so patient with him during all these years, in everything, that he feels like he owes him his own life.

He has to thank Sauli for being alive.

Adam gathered the blanket and stood up. Sauli got up too but crouched back down to 'pick the mugs'.

"The mugs are not in your pocket." Adam said when Sauli was reaching for something from his jacket pocket. His heart was flipping funnily. It sure made cart wheels.

"No. But something else is." Sauli replied with a small smile and pulled out a small box, "An item I need for this. To ask you, my wonderful boyfriend of five years, to be my husband."

Adam dropped the blanket, amused smile covering his lips.

"What?"

"You heard me. And I'm really bad at this." Sauli chuckled, opening the box and showing Adam the silver ring, "Adam, will you marry me?"

Adam got on his knees, pulling Sauli into his embrace. God damn, he was crying again. When did he become such a cry baby? He should be answering the proposal, not bawling like a baby.

"Yes." He sobbed, noticing that the single word didn't come clearly so he got the sobs under control, "Yes." he repeated.

Sauli squeezed Adam tightly, swallowing the lump that lodged in his throat. He pulled away enought to slip the ring on Adam's ring finger.

"You really want to spend the rest of your life with me?" Adam cried. Or laughed. He wasn't sure, it was probably a mix of both.

"I can't imagine my life without you." Sauli whispered, "You're the other half of my heart. I love you so much I can't explain it."

"I love you." Adam murmured, raising his head to face Sauli, "Now kiss me." he hissed.

Sauli did exactly that. And he was going to do it so many times more. After all, they have a lifetime ahead.

Sauli grinned thinking about it. Adam kissed it off. Which was why their kiss never managed to get on because they were smiling and laughing.

Love is a crazy little thing.

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it this far, I'm really happy. Thank you for giving this fic a chance, I know it's very different from the usual stuff I write :)


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